Spider Man Trilogy VS The Amazing Spider Man Would Be Trilogy

I’m just going to go out and say it. Sam Raimi’s trilogy is certainly far better than the two Amazing Spider Man movies. It would seem that most of the world is in agreement with that as well.

But what makes it all that much better? Well, I am just going to talk about 2 things that really bug me.

But before I get to that, let’s take a look at the main character. I find this to be interesting, for I feel Toby McGuire played a better Peter Parker, while Andrew Garfield was the better costumed hero.

Both did good jobs at their alter-egos, but Garfield really nailed the humor and sarcasm Spider Man is known for, while McGuire’s seemed to lack that severely, while Garfield’s Peter was far to “hip” and not at all nerdy. You didn’t feel bad for him. When he became Spider Man, it was like, oh okay.

But when McGuire becomes Spider Man, you are so happy that something good happened to him, because for the 10 minutes of the movie he does not have powers, he is being crapped on by everyone he meets.pparker3

So we’ll put them at a tie for main character. So what about their love interests? Both Gwen Stacy (Emma Stone) and Mary Jane, (Kirsten Dunst) do great jobs at being those characters and giving them their own personalities.

This was what I immediately hated about The Amazing Spider Man. Gwen and Peter are classmates that seem to barely know each other beyond “that kid in my class,” but they have like two conversations and instantly fall head over heels, deeply, madly in love. Yes, it’s implied Peter has had a crush on her already, but their coupling happens so instantaneously that it is very unbelievable that it put me off from their relationship. The lack of character development for both of them also puts a disinterest in their personal love affairs too. I don’t know, just going from less than acquaintances to destined lovers in minutes is just a bit farfetched.

In Sam Raimi’s trilogy, it becomes immediately clear that Peter has wanted Mary Jane, his next door neighbor, for his entire life, and she has hardly spared a glance for him. She was the exact opposite of him. He knew he didn’t have a shot at her at all. When he gets his powers, he becomes a little more confident, but still fails to make a move.

So instead, Pete’s best friend dates her instead. Eventually she falls for Spider Man, which gives Peter the confidence to move forward as himself. When he finally can have her, he shuts her down to protect her. The second movie is a roller coaster of emotion. he basically gives up his whole life to be Spider Man, truly a noble act, but when he can bear it no longer, he gives it up, only to have Mary Jane say no. He returns as Spider Man when Mary Jane realizes she made a mistake and tells him she wants to be with him.

Again, Peter stays away to protect her. This is so powerful because both at this point know that they love each other so deeply, and neither of them truly understands why they won’t allow themselves to be with the other. They are constantly struggling with themselves, so by the time they end up together, in the last scene of the movie, you are about as happy as they are.

So in otherwords, McGuire and Mary Jane take two full movies to finally come together, while Garfield and Gwen take two scenes.

My final reason for today why Sam Raimi’s is so much better is the whole way Uncle Ben died.

uncle-ben-has-died-so-many-times.png

In Amazing, Ben and Peter have a huge fight, one worse I think than in Raimi’s movies, peter fightso that’s a plus. But the circumstances leading up to Ben’s murder are pretty lame and would not impose as much guilt on Garfield, thus the viewer does not feel as much sorrow or whatever for Peter either, or really, the entire situation.

Allow me to explain what I mean. In both movies, Peter has a run in with the criminal who kills Uncle Ben moments before he does that heinous act. Peter has a chance to stop them, and doesn’t, thus Peter always believes it is his fault.

So in Amazing, Peter goes to a store to buy a little thing of milk for himself. He is short two cents and tries to take it from that “leave a penny, take a penny thing.” The clerk is a real d-bag and gives him a hard time, saying he can’t just take money without leaving any in return or something. It doesn’t really make sense. But the clerk says it’s “store policy,” and an angered Peter leaves the milk behind and shuffles off, just as the criminal enters the store. He robs the register and even gives the milk to Peter, thus technically making him a shoplifter. When the robber takes off, the clerk yells to Peter to go and catch him. The clerk gets mad when he doesn’t and Peter says it’s not his policy.

This is what ticks me off. Why is the clerk so mad and expectant of Peter? He doesn’t know he has powers. Why would anyone expect some random person to go chase down a criminal. The only person who is aware that he could easily stop the criminal is Peter himself. And because he didn’t have enough money to buy the milk, he took it out on the store clerk.

So the criminal gets away and shoots Uncle Ben. The only satisfying thing about this is the childish reason Peter let the criminal get away. That could weigh heavy on someone’s mind for sure. But yeah…pretty lame.

uncle ben deadIn Raimi’s film, Peter wins a wrestling match to win $3000 but gets scammed and winds up only getting like $200 for basically being too strong. He’s trying to win the money to buy a car, but the man tells him he fails to see the part where that’s his problem. So he gets screwed and leaves all ticked, just as the criminal goes and robs the cash that Peter rightfully won and then some. Pete lets him pass to get away and the man says that you could have killed that guy. Peter says it’s not his problem. This is much better because Peter just proved that he was able to easily crush anyone in his path and the man knew it. He wasn’t just getting ticked at a random customer. Peter could have also easily stopped him without revealing his powers since he was face to face with the man. Garfield was in the middle of a street that would have attracted far too much attention.

In short, Garfield is mad because he didn’t have enough money, and McGuire was mad because he was screwed out of 3 grand. So yeah. Raimi’s is a lot better in that respect.

There are many other reasons why the older ones are better, but I could be here all day talking about it. The original trilogy is even more impressive because they were made before there were countless super hero movies. They were essentially a guinea pig and they were better than anyone expected. Even now, when the first movie is nearly 20 years old (wow!) they still hold up today.

spider-man-movies-netflix-770x481

 

And for the record, I do enjoy all of them, just some were very disappointing.  From worst to best I would rank them

The Amazing Spider Man 2

The Amazing Spider Man

Spider Man 3

Spider Man

Spider Man 2

 

 

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Tournament of Hotties: Impossibly Hot Women, Final

We have the two finalists battling it out here! See how they made it this far with the links posted here.

I’ve already explained to death how impossibly hot they are, so let’s just see some pics.

 

 

Megan Fox

VS

Sara Jean Underwood

Let’s have a little fashion show. Let’s see what these beauties look like in lingerie!!

 

 

 

 

Wow, those are some hot ladies!

What about bikinis…those are always hot, right?

 

 

 

 

Meowsa!!!

What about costumes?

 

 

Those are painted on! Makes you wish she played Wonder Woman in the recent film. She seems not to be a big fan of dress up unfortunately, because we would all love to see her in some more outfits.

Sara definitely is, even into some cosplay. So she will have a few more pictures.

 

 

There is nothing sexier than a woman who likes to dress up, though dressing down might be more accurate.

And just because, here’s just a few more hot pictures of our finalists.

 

 

 

 

Okay, now the big decision…who is hotter?

This is really, really hard to choose. These are honestly the two hottest women on the planet, and each wants to be number 1.

But I have to give the winning spot to her.

Victor

 

 

Sara Jean Underwood!!!!!!

While both girls are perfect in every way, Sara’s got a more tone body, sexy blond hair, and always looks so diverse in her pictures, which somehow gives her this sweet and sexy personality, which if you are hot and a sweetheart, you’re golden. I suppose the endless amount of photos of her doesn’t hurt either.

Bottom line, she is the hottest person I have ever laid eyes on, or at least through a computer screen. I will never lay real eyes on her… So congratulations Sara on being named hottest woman on the planet!

And like always, I like to rank all the contestants in my own personal opinion, from least hottest to hottest. Though regardless of how well they did in the tournament or in my personal ranking, these 16 women are, as far as I know and/or am concerned, the hottest women on Earth. Ranking them will probably be harder than the one on one matches. Oh boy…

Anyway here they are, from least impossibly hot, to most impossibly hot. The round in parentheses is how far they made it in the tournament.

 

#16

Kristen Stewart (Round 1)

Kristen Stewart Red Dress Side

 

#15

Brooklyn Decker (Round 1)

brooklyn decker rope

#14

Kendall Jenner (Round 1)

kendall_jenner_bikini_topshop_swimwear6.jpg

#13

Elizabeth Hurley (Round 2)

elizabeth hurley topless.jpg

#12

Katie Cassidy (Round 1)

Katie Cassidy sidewalk.jpg

#11

Kim Kardashian (Round 2)

Kim Kardashian White Bikini.jpg

#10

Scarlett Johansson (Round 1)

Scarlett Johanson Jock.jpg

#9

Jessica Alba (Round 2)

jessica_alba_04.jpg

#8

Tara Reid (Round 1)

tara-reid-sexy-boobs-07.jpg

#7

Denise Richards (Round 1)

denise_richards_naked-4.jpg

#6

Ciara Hanna (Round 1)

Ciara Hanna wants you

#5

Angelina Jolie (Round 2)

angelina-jolie-sexy-dress-large-crop.jpg

#4

Joanie Brosas (Semi-finalist)

joanie brosas naked.jpg

#3

Alexandria DeBerry (Semi-finalist)

allie berry tan

#2

Megan Fox (Runner Up)

megan-fox-wallpaper-10

#1

Sara Jean Underwood (Winner)

Sara-Jean-Underwood-768x1024

I almost feel bad ranking them, because again, they are all so very, impossibly hot. All these women should be worshiped.

Well that’s another tournament over. Thanks for checking it out, or rather, checking out the contestants. Till next time!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tournament Of Hotties: Impossibly Hot Women, Round 3 (Semi-Finals)

Alright! We narrowed it down to the last four hotties! These gorgeous gals will battle it out to see which two will make it to the finals!

Check out the links here to catch up on all the hottie action in rounds 1 and 2, and then please, enjoy the upcoming hotties!

 

Megan Fox

VS

Joanie Brosas

I’ve already talked about how amazingly beautiful and perfect and sexy Megan Fox is. No matter what she’s wearing, or not wearing, she is just so, so beautiful. She took down Tara Reid and Jessica Alba in this tournament so far. When will her rampage end? Let’s take a look and see if that end is in sight.

 

A woman who looks like this is definitely going to be tough to beat. As I just said, no matter what she’s in, she’s gorgeous.

I mean, in this picture I’m about to show you, she is in hardly anything revealing, and it’s barely more than a picture of her face.

მეგან ფოქსი

It’s such an innocent picture and yet my jaw drops to the floor as if she was standing naked in front of me. She’s beautiful, plain and simple.

And to compete with her is the slender, sexy cosplayer Joanie Brosas, whose taken down Katie Cassidy and Angelina Jolie so far. This girl has an amazing body that easily takes the cake over Megan Fox’s body. And the fact that Megan’s is already completely perfect, that is a mighty impressive thing to say.

And speaking of Megan, I think she is the reason I discovered Joanie, now that I think about it. I was reading an article that was talking about Megan Fox being considered to play Lara Croft for a Tomb Raider reboot movie years ago. There was a picture of this.

Megan Fox Tomb Raider cosplay

It’s a hot photo, for sure, but this picture somehow led me to these…

 

 

And thus I discovered potentially the greatest body of all time. I mean just look at that. It completely blows away what Megan Fox looks like in her outfit. I”m sure you want more evidence to back up the whole “greatest body claim,” so here it is.

 

There are no words to describe her body. Like jeez, it’s (insert description here). Perfect is an understatement.

I mean, look at these pictures.

 

That other girl is no pushover. In other words, she’s hot. But when standing next to Joanie, she almost appears ugly. So I suppose the real question is, does Megan Fox appear ugly next to Joanie?

The answer…No.

Megan is still gorgeous. The hard part is deciding which of these women is actually hotter. We’ve already established Joanie has the better body, so that’s big points.

The woman that will move on is just barely hotter than her competition. There is something just more sexy about her. It’s like she is a goddess or something, but seems so real as well, if that makes any sense. You get lost in her looks, and it makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside.

Victor

megan fox wall

Megan Fox

You see? There is just something so real about her? It’s hard to explain, much like her beauty. Whatever she’s got, Joanie is lacking in it.

Next up are quite literally the two hottest blondes on the planet.

 

 

 

Sara Jean Underwood

VS

Alexandria DeBerry

Sara has beat out Ciara Hanna and Elizabeth Hurley, two of the finest woman in two different generations. But does the PlayBoy model have what it takes to compete with the gorgeous Alexandria? Maybe these pictures can help shed some light…

 

Good lordie, what a body! There isn’t a flaw on this woman. She is so toned, so hot, so sexy, so perfect.

Next is Allie, who can impressively say she has taken down Kim Kardashian and Kendall Jenner. Her body is literally an hourglass shape and it’s amazing. Here, see for yourselves!

 

 

Everything about her is amazing! EVERYTHING! Just look at her. She is not of this world. She is too perfect. Her butt…wow…her boobs…nice! Her long flowing hair. Her tight, toned body. Those lips, that adorable face. Regardless of how much is covered or revealed on that flawless figure, she can take your breath away.

So which of these two blond beauties is hotter? This is a very tough decision, but I think this one is.

Victor

sara jean underwood purple lingerie 2

Sara Jean Underwood

Megan Fox will join Sara in the finals.

But I have to say this about Joanie and Allie. Those two girls are so hot, so perfect, so beautiful in every way, that they almost seem manufactured, like they are robots or something. Sara and Megan beat them for they feel more real, more relatable, and have distinctive sexy auras about them. It’s easier to wrap your head around those two.

So I guess you could say Joanie and Allie lost for being too hot, which doesn’t make sense in a Tournament of Hotties, but that’s the way it goes.

See you next time for the final round of the Impossibly Hot Women tournament!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tournament Of Hotties: Impossibly Hot Women, Round 2 (Part 2)

Welcome back to the tournament of impossibly hot women, where we will find in the end who the hottest woman on the planet is!

Catch up by checking out the links here.

And now… on with the next hotties.

 

 

 

Sara Jean Underwood

VS

Elizabeth Hurley

First up is Sara Jean Underwood, who as far as I know, has contributed mainly just her body to the fine folks of Earth. And really, that is the best gift she could offer. As a PlayBoy model, there is literally no shortage of jaw dropping pictures of this woman. So here, check them out, or rather, check her out.

 

 

 

Oh my goodness gracious. If you didn’t notice, this woman is a flawless beauty. Her toned body, nice ASSets and breast, combined with her blond hair and gorgeous face make her something to be desired…for all eternity. Knowing you live on the same planet as this woman and not getting to be with her, let alone see her, is literally Hell on Earth.

Well we saw the gorgeous youthful blond, but what about the older, yet unwavering beauty of the brunette, Elizabeth Hurley. Let’s check out how she’s doing!

 

 

 

Age has done nothing to slow this woman down, as far as her looks are concerned. She is almost every bit as hot now as she was 20-30 years ago. And for a woman in her 50’s, that makes her about 10x hotter right there. She is a goddess in her own right, and we should all bow to her beauty.

So which of these two women is the hottest? The younger blond, or the more mature brunette. As much as I don’t want to say this, it is this one, no contest.

Victor

sara jean underwood cover

Sara Jean Underwood

But seriously though. Elizabeth Hurley…super freakin’ hot…like… it’s baffling.

 

Next up is another brunette and blond!

 

 

Kim Kardashian

VS

Alexandria DeBerry

Starting off with Kim, you might have noticed that she has an amazing body from the picture above, or of the tons of bikini photos of her from Round 1.

There is no shortage of hot photos of her, since she basically makes a living off of being hot. So let’s take a look at some of her work, shall we?

 

No matter what she is wearing, what she is doing, from modeling to walking down the street, this sexy woman looks fabulous. She is always picture ready, as evidenced here. Though anything that shows off that amazing body is always preferred.

To add to her appeal, she loves costumes, which is just sexy as hell.

 

Just smokin’ all the time. God dang.

In contrast to Kim’s dark sexiness is the shining beauty of Allie.

 

 

Unfortunately there aren’t quite as many pictures of her, which is a shame, because she is just gorgeous. She doesn’t even have to wear anything sexy for her to catch your eye. Her long, bright blond hair and innocent, beautiful face could easily do that. But if you do see her scantily clad, that’s all the better, for her body is perfection. She has such amazing curves on top of having a nice butt and boobs and well… having a nice everything.

If Angels are real things, then Allie DeBerry is certainly one of them. She just looks so beautiful, yet so untouchably good, that it would be a sin to lay hands on her divine body. But that is something no one could resist doing I imagine. So maybe she is more the apple in the Garden of Eden than an angel.

So both women here are absolutely stunning, with or without clothing. But who is the hotter one? This is a tough choice, but it will have to go to…

Victor

allie deberry skirt and bra on beach

Alexandria DeBerry

Look at that. She took down Kim and her half sister. That is something not many people can say. Especially when pertaining to straight looks.

 

Well there you have it. The four hottest women on Earth are about to battle it out in the semi finals! Make sure to check it out!

 

 

 

Tournament Of Hotties: Impossibly Hot Women, Round 2 (Part 1)

Welcome to Round 2! Check out Round 1 listed here. We have 8 women left standing to bash their beauty on our willing eyes! But only four will advance…who will it be?

 

 

 

Megan Fox

VS

Jessica Alba

 

Let’s start with the unbelievably hot Megan Fox. She has been around for a while now, and has gotten nothing but hotter I think. She was recently in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and made the character of April O’Neil unbelievably sexy.

april 3

Man, even in a yellow jacket and nothing revealing at all, she is smoking hot. I mean, seriously, she is just scratching her head and makes it seem like the sexiest thing on the planet.

In Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows, they really are kind to the viewers to give us this display of her.

april 4

This picture is basically every man’s wet dream. In fact, the whole movie feels like it’s her posing and just being super hot. And in case this isn’t your wet dream, then maybe these are…

 

Her posture, her expressions, her body, all fabulous. What’s that? Her body is too covered in these shots? Perhaps you are right. Here ya go!

 

Perfection at it’s finest!!

 

I hope you didn’t spend yourself all on her, because next up is the beautiful Jessica Alba!

I first realized how impossibly hot she is in the movie Fantastic Four, where she is just absolutely glowing. It was after that I finally understood everyone’s obsession over her. That and when you see pictures like this, it’s hard not to be.

 

She’s another one who is gorgeous with her body covered, and drop dead gorgeous with it exposed. The fact that she seems to be a pure sweetheart adds to her hotness too! She has an amazing body, a beautiful face, and just a sexy aura about her.

So the only question is, who is hotter. Despite being presented with two women who shatter the hottie scale, this is a no brainer choice.

While both women are perfect in the looks department, particularly their bodies, this one just seems so much hotter somehow. Everything about her is far sexier, I don’t know why, but it is. And that is why she is the winner.

Victor

Megan Fox Bunk

Megan Fox

 

Don’t go away yet, two more hotties left to go!!

 

Angelina Jolie

VS

Joanie Brosas

Two long haired brunettes are next. Let’s take a look at the older, yet unfaltering beauty of Angelina Jolie.

The last movie I’ve seen her in was probably Mr. & Mrs. Smith, an awesome movie that is made better with just her mere presence in it. Mainly because she is so fine, and just so naturally over the top sexy.

And her wardrobe is killer in it.

 

This was the movie Brad Pitt left Jennifer Aniston to eventually marry her. I can’t say I really blame the guy. Acting like you are married to this hottie would only lead most men to strive to make that a reality.

Aside from all her movies, she is impossibly gorgeous just about all the time.

 

Her whole life has been one hot thrill ride for any who has laid eyes on her, and what I can only imagine as one of the greatest rides of all time if you got laid by her. Even her fake sex scenes show off that this woman would be something else in the sack. Well, here’s to dreaming!

And by the way, in the movie Alexander, you’ve never seen anyone look so good in a toga and other ancient articles of clothing.

angelina jolie alexander

Next up is the long haired, tall and slender, jaw dropping hottie cosplayer Joanie Brosas. I know nothing about her except that she is really just amazingly hot.

 

So yeah, her body has not a flaw on it, or a single trace of fat for that matter. She is lacking in the boob department because of this, where Angie is not at all. But she makes up for it everywhere else.

Both of these women are so hot, I don’t know how to choose. To make it more difficult, while Angie played Lara Croft, Joanie cosplayed her.

Let’s see the comparison!!

 

 

Both girls wear Lara’s wardrobe quite nicely, but anyone with eyes would realize that Joanie has an unfair advantage for wearing a barely legal version of it.

So now it is time to decide.

This woman’s body is 110% perfect. Every little inch of her. Each curve. Her beautiful hair and that adorable, gorgeous face. Both women are astonishing, but this one shines through…

Victor

Joanie Brosas Ash Ketchum behind

Joanie Brosas

Well there you have it! Megan Fox and Joanie Brosas will face off in the semi finals!

Check out part 2 to see who will join them!!

Tournament of Hotties: Impossibly Hot Women, Round 1 (Part 3)

Okay everybody, let’s jump right to the hotties! But if you need to, check out Round 1 Part 1, and Part 2.

Sara Jean Underwood

VS

Ciara Hanna

First off in Round 1 Part 3 are two of the hottest blondes you will likely ever lay eyes on. The hard part today is to decide which is hotter.

Let’s start with Sara. I first laid eyes upon this gorgeous woman when I was looking up something about one of the new Star Wars movies, and by some miracle, I came across this picture.

Sara-Jean-Underwood-Padme-Amidala-Cosplay-1Now it is not every day you find someone who looks hotter than Natalie Portman did in the same costume. I immediately fell in love with this woman. To my great delight, pictures such as these were attached to this one…

My first thought was she was a cosplayer, until I saw the car wash photos. That led me to believe she was a beautiful person who had an outstanding body that she loved to show off, and did so in a charitable way, while also conveniently having a bunch of friends who didn’t mind dressing super scantily and washing cars at the same time either. This provided a great service to their customers, who not only went home with a clean car, but an erection as well! What nice girls!!

Well obviously this must be some kind of fundraiser of sorts with Star Wars somehow involved. Whatever the reason, I decided to look more into this girl that had me so entranced. Was it because of her perfect body, beautiful face and charitable, helpful character, or was it because I love Star Wars just as much as nice, beautiful women? Perhaps putting both together was a match made in a heaven?

Anyway, this is what I found.

Turns out she’s a PlayBoy model. Having never looked at one of those magazines, I must admit, I am curious if they all look as good as her. But I seriously doubt it. This girl has an absolutely superb body, and a face that looks kind, sweet and fun. She looks like the type of girl you could get lost with all night, and then bring home to meet your mother. Until what she does for a living comes up anyway.

Oh and in case you were wondering, she looks amazing as Leia too.

sara-jean-underwood-star-wars-play-boy-photoshoot_1
Eat your hearts out…

 

 

 

Next we have an equally beautiful and precious looking woman, Ciara Hanna, making her second appearance in a Tournament Of Hotties, but this time as herself and not as a character she played. Which is exactly how I came to learn about her. She was the yellow ranger in the Power Rangers: Megaforce series. She was really quite beautiful in the show, but it wasn’t until I was looking up pictures of her for the first Tournament of Hotties that I learned she is one of the most beautiful, sexy, cute, gorgeous, adorable, sweet, amazing…I’m running out of adjectives. Enough jibber jabber, just look at some pictures of her…

Oh man, she just looks like the biggest sweetie and sex muffin! I don’t know if I want to hug her or do something more private. But let’s face it. We’d all pick both. Another girl you would take home to meet the family, but you couldn’t wait to live so you could have your way with her.

Everything about her is so perfect and sexy, yet cute and sweet. But what really gets me is when those sexy lips placed upon that beautiful face curve into a smile.

I love her sexy, wavy hair too…and her eyes…everything…

This might be one of the hardest to choose from in the tournament thus far. It seems a crime that one of these perfect blondes must be eliminated, but I must persevere and choose one.

 

Victor

Sara Jean Underwood Black Bra

Sara Jean Underwood

 

Moving away from blondes, we have two brunettes in the running!

Elizabeth Hurley

VS

Kristen Stewart

 

elizabeth_hurley_07The tall, slender large breasted woman known as Elizabeth Hurley may be one of my earliest crushes. I first saw her in Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery, where her sexy accent and perfect body charmed the pants off of everyone. The humorous censor scenes, aside from making me laugh, just showed how hot this woman was, not to mention how big her boobs are. Everything from her hair down to her futuristic styled boots is enough to make anyone start drooling. You really couldn’t blame Austin for trying to “shag” her the whole movie. No one else would be able to resist her either.

But it wasn’t until I saw Bedazzled that I considered her one of the most beautiful women on the planet, for she is so impossibly hot. In this movie, she plays the Devil. And this fact alone makes it an interesting movie. If the Devil looked like this…

then I am willing to bet just about everyone would sell their soul to her. The torture would be the “look but don’t touch rule” on this babe for all eternity. As you can tell, Elizabeth is nothing short of perfection. Ugh…just look at that body. Beautiful…so slim and toned…she’s as hot as the fires of hell…I know…I know…I had to say it.

She is getting on in years now, which is a blow to us all, but even still she looks nothing short of fabulous.

Any sane person would jump at the chance to get in on some of that, 20 years ago or now.

 

Next up is Kristen Stewart. I imagine I discovered her the same time everyone else in the world did. I remember it all too clearly. I visited my buddy in college and we were bored one night so we decided to go down to the auditorium where they were having a movie night. It was some movie none of us ever heard of, but we figured we’d watch it anyway. When we walked into the auditorium, I immediately noticed we were the only guys in there, never a good sign.

That’s right, you guessed it. That movie was Twilight. We had never heard of it and never knew it was this huge book/movie business. Anyway, the movie was basically awful. Except for the lead actress, Kristen. She was a hottie. She made most of the movie somewhat enjoyable just because of her looks. But after the movie ended, I forgot all about her until years later when I saw some pictures of her. It may have been these ones in fact.

She had become older and more mature and something about her just blew me away. Yeah, she has a perfect body, no doubt, sexy attitude and hot hair, but that isn’t what really gets me, it’s that face of hers. It is just so entrancing and wonderful.

I just can’t explain it, it just makes my heart melt. Maybe it’s because she dresses most of the time in regular clothing, and looks like a normal person most of the time, not some big shot celebrity. I don’t know. I don’t think I have a “type.” Maybe she’s it?

And speaking of the way she dresses, she looks amazing in everything. No matter what she dons, she is just tipping over the hottie scale.

Wow, she is just a steaming hottie, hot enough to take on the Devil herself. I don’t know what it is, it might be all her vampirey witch craft or whatever, but she definitely has me under some spell.

And she’s bisexual, which is huge points in my book.

So which of these two perfect women is hotter? It’s hard to say. Kristen is more my age, so maybe that’s why I feel some weird cyber connection with her. Elizabeth Hurley is much older, but still competes with Kristen any day. Decisions, decisions. I will have to give it to…

Victor

elizabeth hurley red dress

Elizabeth Hurley

Sara Jean Underwood and Elizabeth Hurley move on to Round 2! Their victories are bitter sweet, for Ciara and Kristen both are such sweet contestants I could totally get along with.

See you next time for the conclusion of Round 1!

Tournament Of Hotties: Impossibly Hot Women Round 1 (Part 2)

Welcome back to Round 1, where 2 more sets of unbelievably hot women will face off to see who is the hottest. Check out part one if you missed it. Now, let’s not waste anytime, let’s check out the next two hotties!

 

Angelina Jolie

VS

Denise Richards

Phew, these women are amazing! Just look at em up there. You couldn’t wish for more hotness than these two have!

Let’s talk about Angie first. Where to begin? I first found out about Angelina Jolie’s existence from watching the 2001 movie Lara Croft: Tomb Raider. If ever there was a thing as “love at first sight,” this was it for me. She without a doubt, was the most beautiful person on the planet I had ever seen. I didn’t even have to put in the movie to fall in love with her. The stinking cover was enough.

tomb raider cover

Dang. I was 12 or 13 when the movie came out, and this was about the sexiest thing I had even seen in my life. The long braid of hair, the tight tank top that shows off a huge pair of jugs and the abs bulging out…not too much, but just enough to tell you this woman is toned as hell, and unbelievably gorgeous. The short shorts that give way to long slender legs that are criminally cut off are an amazing tease. How dare they cut off any portion of this perfect specimen’s body!?

 

 

 

When I finally stopped staring and popped the tape in the VCR, it became immediately apparent that the cover was not a hoax, this woman, Angelina Jolie, really is that hot. If anything, the cover does not do her unheard of beauty justice, for it does not capture how effortlessly sexy this woman is. From the way she moves, to the way shes talks. Even if she just had to scratch her head, the eloquent way she moved her arm up to her head would have me melting all over. Each word seemed to drip from her lips, so sensual and loving, her smile so sexy and beckoning. And speaking of her lips, my God, they are the most luscious things you will ever lay eyes on, well maybe unless you look down at her chest. But anyway, those perfect lips make her words all the more paralyzingly sexy. You could be content just watching her speak and move. You love the words coming out of her mouth, it almost becomes as good as sticking something in those lips, a tragic fantasy every man must have ripped from them when watching this beauty, unless your Brad Pitt and a few other incredibly lucky guys.

If the pain of watching everything about her physical perfection wasn’t bad (or good) enough, it was even more agitating but equally pleasurable in the fact that every thing she wore in that movie, despite not being revealing at all, made her look like the most incredibly sexy and alluring sexual beast the world has ever known!

Here is just a quick example…

 

Literally everything she wore hugged her body in such a perfect way, or really more specifically, they hugged her boobs, making each and every one of us jealous of a shirt…It was like none of the outfits were big enough to fit around those beasts, and that was for the better, believe me! There was even an occasional nipple poking through, which obviously, is all the more welcome!

But anyone who has seen this movie will take one amazing, joy filled memory with them. You know what I am talking about…I know you do!! The famous shower scene. First off, this scene has no nudity or anything, it’s just Angelina like running water down her hair for like 15 seconds, but the way she moves…it’s just…oh man…I don’t know. She just makes it seem so erotic. It’s basically like you are having sex with her. She even parts those luscious lips from a side view for you, and that is enough to shoot a tingle down everybody’s spine. But that is not even what I am talking about. It is when she gets out of the shower that the magic really happens.

BOOM!angelina jolie tomb-raider-4

The most amazing side boob you will ever see. Let me explain how amazing this was as a child. I was barely a teenager when I saw this and probably the only boobs I ever saw were Rose’s from Titanic. Then I spent this whole movie staring at her jugs with all her tight fitting shirts being stretched to their limits. Then she gets out of the shower and to everyone’s delight, she rips her towel off unexpectedly and turns just enough that you can see everything you possibly can without it being full nudity and keeping the movie PG-13.

Now this amazing side boob does a couple things. It confirms her boobs are as big as they look and it releases some weird sexual tension that has built up from watching her supreme hotness, which is amazing and much needed at this point.

Those are the pros, the con, it leaves you wanting more…so, so, so much more! You want to see every part of that beautiful toned body, every tiny inch of it. How could they tease the viewers like that! Eventually, you learn to just be happy you got to see any part of her at all, and then enjoy the rest of the movie with a smile on your face as you watch her in all her unmatched hotness, staring at her boobs ready to burst from her shirts, thinking to yourself, “yeah, I got to see those…a little…to the side…” as your smirk grows bigger.

So yeah, that is the story of how I fell in love with Angelina Jolie. For years I stated without hesitation that she was the most beautiful woman on planet Earth.  I have seen very few movies with her in it, but of the ones I have, she is just as alluring and sexy in all of them. It was only fitting that she was cast in the role of probably the most famously hot female video game character ever designed at that point.

Next up is Denise Richards. Like Angie, I discovered her from a movie, and the whole time she was in it, I couldn’t help but get aroused. She brought the meaning of sexy to a whole new level, from the way she looked, talked, walked, and above all, her facial expressions were such a big turn on, it blew me away.

What movie am I talking about? The 1998 film, Wild Things of course! Despite this being a very thrilling movie on it’s own, the director clearly searched high and low for the hottest woman they could find and then spend half the movie showing her off. Literally everything she wears is skimpy and revealing in some way. You also get to see her naked on several occasions and make out with a girl on her own and in a threesome. So yeah, it’s pretty amazing stuff. She looked a little like this…

 

Believe it or not, she is way hotter in the movie even! And just like the woman she is competing against, she has a wonderful rack and big, sexy lips. If you were to look up any word in the dictionary related to the words, “hot,” “sexy,” “arouse,” “dammmmmmnnn,” etc., it would be hard to tell which of these two women’s photo would go there.

Denise is most famous for being an unbelievably hot Bond girl I believe. A movie I have to see.

She has also been featured in PlayBoy Magazine wearing a…net…

 

Not very practical clothing, but if its purpose is to make us all sit up a little straighter, then they nailed it on the head. I have only even seen Denise Richards in this one movie, but I can only imagine that just like in Wild Things, any time she is on screen, you will forget entirely about the movie and will instead be lost in her all encompassing beauty.

Unfortunately today, she isn’t all that hot. Her body is still amazing, but her face looks kind of weird, like plastic surgery gone wrong or something. Even so, do not let that detract from the impossibly hot woman she once was!!!

Now for the hard part. To decide which of these inhumanely hot women is hotter. Both have perfection on a physical level, and both are unbelievably sexy and heart melting beauties that would easily take your breath away if you saw them on the streets. But to choose only one, I would have to go with this one…

Victor

angelina jolie 6

Angelina Jolie

This hottie just has a more sexy edge on Denise. It just seems to flow off of her so naturally. She really must be an alien or something…

And now for the next bout!!!

 

 

Katie Cassidy

VS

Joanie Brosas

Hot dog!! We’ve got two tall, slender and absolutely gorgeous girls up next!!!

Katie Cassidy became one of the most beautiful women in the world to me after viewing her in what is probably my favorite show of all time, Arrow. In season 1, she wasn’t all that spectacular. She was very attractive of course, but nothing mind blowing. She sort of looked like this…Katie-Cassidy-Regard-Magazine-Photo-Shoot-arrow-cw-33738859-940-586

though not as made up of course.

But then along came season 2 and my God, I don’t know what happened, but I was hit by the train that is her infinite beauty. Ever since, every time she is on camera, I can’t help but drool. The show itself is always so intriguing, keeping you on the edge of your seat, but this beauty comes along and steals all the focus. But that really isn’t all that surprising when you start to look like this…

 

In the show, she plays a lawyer and always dresses really professional, so you can never tell what kind of body she has, though it’s obvious it’s a hot one. And if you couldn’t tell from the pictures above how sexy her long legs are, or how gorgeous her body is, here is some more proof…

So as you can tell, she has a wonderfully tone body, with an especially great booty. Everything, from that sexy wavy hair of hers down to her toes is just steamy hotness. Unfortunately, I have never seen her in anything but Arrow, but I am sure she’s gorgeous all the time!

Next up is the fabulous Joanie Brosas. This incredibly hot woman I believe is a model, which how could she not be, she’s beautiful x1000. But I think she is more known for her cosplaying, where she specializes in wearing as little amount of clothing as legally  possible.

As you can tell, she’s quite good at it. Her body is absolutely flawless. In fact, normally I would say she is too thin, but for some reason, maybe because she looks to be on the tall side, it works for her, thus just adding to her already inhuman hotness. Something else super sexy about her is that long, flowing hair of hers.

I don’t know why, but that is just as much of a turn on as her beautiful body.

This was another girl I fell hard for immediately. I was looking up something about a rumored Tomb Raider movie a few years ago, and I found this instead.

So yeah, anyone could fall victim to this appealing specimen. The long hair, the cute face, amazing figure, long legs, firm butt and the oh so sexy under boob make her a force to be reckoned with on the scale of hotness.

So I love everything about both these girls, so it comes down to which one is just simply better looking…and while they both are at least 10/10 on the hottie scale, this one can be pushed up to a 12..

Victor

Joanie Brosas darth vader

Joanie Brosas

Well folks, that’s another 4 hotties revealed, and another 2 to move on! See you next time for 4 more hotties as Round 1 continues!!

Tournament Of Hotties: Impossibly Hot Women (Round 1, Part 1)

And here we are with another Tournament of Hotties, this time nothing Power Ranger related! Instead, I gathered the 16 hottest women I could think of. But not your everyday hot. These women cause you to think, “They can’t be human, they can’t be from this planet. No human being from Earth could be this hot.”

Now I am sure there are plenty of hotter women out there, but these are the ones I can think of off the top of my head, and I am sure they look quite normal when they don’t have all that make up on either. But that is not the point. These girls are just so inhumanly hot that they must be recognized.

And as wonderful as these women are to look at, it is going to be quite a terrible experience to narrow them down to just 1 that is the hottest of all. How could anyone choose?

Also take note that this has nothing to do with how these women currently look, but is more how hot they were at some point in their lives.

So without further ado, let us begin Round 1.

Tara Reid

VS

Megan Fox

Dang…just dang…Right off the bat are two magnificent hotties. Let’s start with the gorgeous blond Tara Reid.

I first discovered this sexy lady in the 1999 film, American Pie, where she looked like this…and please, click on these pictures to see each one bigger…

american pie girls
In case you get lost in all the hotness here, Tara is the second from the left…

In this movie she wasn’t  “inhumanly” hot, but her raspy voice is one of the sexiest things I have ever heard. Every word out of her mouth sounds like she is trying to seduce the person she is talking to, which makes every man wish they were on the receiving end of those words. I think they even mention in the TV show Scrubs, where she occasionally has a small role, how sexy her voice is. She looks amazing in that show as well.

And when she appears in American Pie 2, her hotness is multiplied. They even point this out, as the main character, Jim says, “And Vicky got hot!” Vicky being Tara’s character. And Jim could not be any more right. She is smoking hot in that film, looking more like this.

I think the only other thing I have seen her in is American Reunion, where she is also smoking hot, though age set in a tad, unfortunately. But any sane man and some edgy women would do her anyway.

In case you couldn’t tell from her pictures, she is like the definition of a gorgeous blond. Her body is flawless, she has long longs, a nice set of boobs with seemingly very perky nipples as evidenced here.

Those little guys are always trying to sneak through! Not to mention two of the pictures in the group above this one!!

So yeah, this girl is hot, unbelievably hot. Every molecule on her body rages sexiness and we can’t get enough. She is also the first girl I have ever seen fake an orgasm on television, and I thank her from the bottom of my heart. Her screams of pleasure through that raspy voice are something that can never be duplicated by anyone else.

Ugh…so hot…

And next we have hottie number two…Megan Fox!! The first time I laid eyes on this beauty was on an episode of Two and a Half Men. I believe this was before she was famous, for I had no idea who she was at the time, and no one else did either. All I knew is that when they showed some random girl in a bikini hanging out with the rest of the cast, I thought to myself, “That is the hottest girl I have ever seen.” The whole episode was about how hot this girl was and how everyone on the show was drooling over her. Their acting was top notch, because I can firmly say, everyone in real life was doing the same. Nobody that hot had ever been on television before.megan_fox

This was a lonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnggggggggg time ago too. She has done nothing but get hotter.

But what really made this amazing looking girl famous was that unforgettable “under the hood” scene from Transformers. You know what I’m talking about, the scene where she is looking under the hood of her car and they pan up her body.

Yeah…that one. I bet you during this scene in the theaters, the whole theater was filled with the sounds of rustling denim as every man adjusted themselves.

I only saw the movie once (not in theaters), years and years ago, and this is all I remember from it. And what else could you take away from it? The moment you see this, it is all you will ever see for the next 3 days!! The way her sexy brown hair falls over her scantily clad body is so sexy. I was skeptical about seeing the movie, and every time I heard about it or asked about it, all I ever heard was “Megan Fox is so hot!” And that is how she became world renowned. But it wasn’t for many years later that I found out this new name everyone was talking about was the same girl I had subliminally fallen in love with from Two and a Half Men.

Everything about her is perfect. Everything. Every time she moves, every time she speaks, even stinking blinks, her hotness infests your brain. I honestly don’t know how every man who has seen her in person isn’t in jail for sexual assault. How could anyone resist such beauty?

Wearing nothing…

Megan Fox naked

She’s hot…

Fully clothed…

Megan-Fox-12

 

 

 

 

 

 

She’s hot…

 

She is inhumanely hot and sexy and seems to have been born that way. Even without makeup I guarantee this girl is smokin’. I can’t even get over it. I wish I could meet someone 1/4 as hot as her. That girl would be by far and away the hottest person I’ve ever met.

So now the daunting deed must be committed. Which of these alienish women is hotter. The blond or the brunette?

It’s very close. Either one would fulfill any man’s wildest fantasies, but I would have to go with…

Victor

Megan Fox beach stroll

Megan Fox

 

Now that I have shamed one of the hottest blonds of all time, let’s see what two amazingly hot women are next…

Scarlett Johanson

VS

Jessica Alba

Well crap, two more impossibly hard to choose from women. Let’s start with Scarlett. The first movie I ever saw her in was The Avengers, where she played the role of the incredibly bad ass, yet amazingly sexy and impossibly hot Black Widow. In fact, the first scene you see her in, she’s in a black dress that she looks simply amazing in.

See? I told you so. Right then and there, I realized she was one of the hottest women on the planet.

She first appeared as the character in Iron Man 2, where she looked amazing, but I wouldn’t go as far as to say she was inhumanly hot, though she definitely was rocking the costume and was still gorgeous.

It wasn’t until Avenger’s that she reached such a high level of hotness, and hasn’t slowed down a bit. She’s every bit as gorgeous in any of the other movies she plays the role in, if not hotter.

I have never seen her in any other movie, in any other role other than Black Widow, so I find myself wondering if it is just the character that is so hot, or the actress?

Yeah…it’s the actress.

She is stunning no matter what she’s doing it seems. Wow, just beautiful. There is just such a tough, sexy look about her, yet a sort of innocence as well, like she isn’t trying to be sexy, it just radiates from her naturally. She’s got a nice rack too, so that’s nice.

And next we have the amazing beauty, Jessica Alba. The first movie I saw her in was Good Luck Chuck, and man was she gorgeous in it. One can’t help but fall in love with her looks as well as her charming, adorable personality. I haven’t seen many other movies with her in it, but the ones I have, she is always beautiful and sexy, and usually strips down to nearly nothing. An old co-worker of mine was so in love with her, he kept a copy of Into the Blue on his desk, a movie in which she appears on the cover like this…

Jessica Alba into the blue

I don’t blame him, she’s hot.

Everything she wears, she looks amazing in. As you can tell, she has a perfect body and looks especially amazing in bikinis.

But she looks great in underwear and leather as well. I’ve never met her, but based on things I have read about her and how she acts in movies, she is not only gorgeous on the outside, but on the inside as well, and that is bonus points, baby!

So which of these super women will move on to round 2? It is a close one, but this girl is a tad bit hotter…

Victor

Jessica Alba Beach

Jessica Alba

See you next time, as we continue with Round 1!

DC Comics/LEGO are the Biggest Criminals Ever…

So a while back I was in Walmart and passed by the LEGO aisle and there set up on display was a LEGO Batman: The Movie LEGO set.

REALLY?

So LEGO is selling a LEGO set based off of a movie that is based off of a couple video games that are based off of LEGO sets that are based off of various movies and TV shows that are based off of comic books.

Damn!!! That is a lot of money out of our pockets, if you happen to purchase all this stuff, which I imagine only supreme Batman lovers do.

Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers Is Racist?

I was recently reminded on how the world thinks the original Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers TV series is incredibly racist. And all I’ve got to say is…really? People really do complain about anything these days…and I guess they did 25 years ago too.

The first time I ever heard of these racist claims was in high school, around 15 years after the original season had aired. I vividly remember sitting in second period study hall my senior year and my friend had mentioned how it was racist. Unable to put together myself why that was so, I asked him to explain. And I just shook my head at the answer. The yellow ranger is Asian, and the black ranger is black. How dare a show be so racist!

To tell you the truth I never understood the Asian-yellow thing until my wife explained to me last week that many people consider Asians to have yellow colored skin.

What?

I would never in a million years have made such a correlation, but at least 9 years of confusion has been settled!

But seriously? Does that mean that the Simpsons actually takes place in Asia? Is Marge really a tall/blue haired Asian, because that would be my favorite type of person ever.

the-simpsons
They’re all Asian…who knew?

And when I was a little kid and colored pictures and stuff, I always colored the white people yellow, because I thought that was a more accurate color than “white” for Caucasians. Or really tan I thought to be the best, but there were never tan crayons.

Oh jeez, my parents and teachers and friends probably all thought I had a fetish with Asian people or something. I do remember my teachers giving me some looks. I always thought it was because I was an atrocious artist, but no, it was because I made my family portrait all Asian.

But that is all besides the point. The point is, “HOW IN THE WORLD DOES WEARING A COSTUME OF THE SAME COLOR AS YOUR SKIN MAKE IT RACIST? Even if Trini did have yellow skin, it still makes no sense…

I’m sorry, I can’t wrap my head around this. Maybe it is because I am not a racist person and lack any knowledge of what it is like to be racist, but it just doesn’t make sense. So the guy happens to be black and is the black power ranger? What is the big deal? It’s not like the creators hired people first, and then chose the colors. In fact the show is mostly just stock footage from the Japanese series anyway, so they just had to basically cast people for the parts when they were not morphed. And I seriously doubt the people said, “Hmm, we have a black power ranger, so we better cast a black person.” And even if they did, how is that being racist anyway?

And speaking of the Japanese show. There is always a yellow ranger in every single season that I can think of. So what does that mean then? Are the Japanese people, being part of Asia, being racist for knowingly and willingly putting yellow costumed characters in their TV show? Are they insulting themselves?

My answer-They don’t give a crap because only Americans concern themselves with such stupid claims.

operation overdrive black rangerSo needless to say, after that, any Asian people were never in a yellow costume again, and black people were never black. Except once, a black guy played the black ranger in Operation Overdrive. So what is that all about? Is he considered a disgrace to all African-Americans for accepting a job that will make the show so unbelievably racist? Or is he a hero for stepping over racial boundaries? Who is being offended in this case anyway, and WHY!?!?!?!?

Anyway, I like to believe he’s just an awesome guy who really doesn’t care and is like me and can’t figure out how it is racist.

And if that’s racist, then WTF is this!?!?!?

Image result for tommy white ranger

A white guy as the white ranger? Should I be offended by this? Or is it other races that are supposed to be offended? How dare he wear colors that resemble the color of his skin! You a-hole! Burn in Hell! Am I doing it right? Am I mad enough? Am I mad at the wrong person? I never knew racism could be so confusing.

And is this issue telling me that black people can’t wear black clothing either? Can Asians wear yellow? Can whites wear white? I’m told not after Labor Day, which is another thing I can’t understand, but I won’t get into that. And…YIKES! I am wearing a white T-Shirt AS I AM TYPING THIS! So tell me, just tell me, what kind of statement does that make? Am I being racist against myself? Is someone who is not white going to get ticked if he sees me in this shirt? Or do I get mad because they are looking at my shirt and comparing it to my skin? Or do I look like a cocky jerk for wearing white? I just don’t get it.

And then look at this shot.

Ninja-rangers

The white ranger looks like some bad ass KKK member. Should the black girl in the group get offended by this? And while she’s thinking about if she should be offended or not, is she mad at the Asian for wearing black clothing? Is that offensive to an African-American, or is the issue truly only when someone of the same color wears it? So is she thinking, “Thank god I’m not wearing that!”?

You like how they swapped out an Asian girl for a black one, and a black guy for an Asian to please critics? Clever bastards. But is just swapping sex and race like that politically correct? And notice, there are no Latinos (I’m not sure of the politically correct term) in this season. Is excluding an ethnicity racist? And is having too many people of one ethnicity racist? In this particular picture, there are four Caucasians…FOUR of them! And they have the nerve to place one of them as the white ranger no less! What a hog of a race! No Latinos, but four f’ing whites. You have got to be kidding me!! Wait…should I be mad over this? Are they overly using my race, making them the most prominent race in the show, thus exposing more of the actions and stereotypes associated with white people in an unfair way? Or do I feel empowered that my race has the most representation in this season?

And how far does this racism go? Is it pertaining only to skin color? What about green? That is always attached to the Irish. Does that mean an Irish person can’t be a green ranger without being racist?

And take a look at the blue ranger from RPM..Image result for rpm blue ranger.

He’s Scottish. So let’s take a look at the Scottish flag now…

scottish flag

Look familiar? The flag looks exactly like the costume! Knowing that the costumes are copied from the Japanese show, does this mean that the casters for the American version deliberately found a Scottish person strictly because the costume resembled the flag of his home country? And if so? Is that racist? Is it racist to wear the flag of your country across your chest? Or does said person wear it with pride? I think the latter would be true if the costume was designed specifically for him, but since it’s not and they hired him because of the resemblance to the flag, then God damn it, that must be racist as hell!

Not to mention in the board game Risk, Europe is riskcolored in blue. So is that racist as well? Is coloring a country in a game friggin’ racist if it’s using the same colors as flags? Or will some people living in that continent get ticked off that it’s blue just because it’s not a color they feel best cameron ninja stormrepresents them? If that’s the case, then it is indeed racist and/or offensive that Cameron from the Ninja Storm season is the green ranger simply because Asia is green in Risk. And thank God they made North America yellow instead of Asia, because we all know what a catastrophically racist move that would have been. The game would have flopped completely.

And why stop at racism? Isn’t the fact that the girls are always in pink and another generally in yellow sexist? Those colors are always associated with girls, thus any boy who shows any interest in those colors is considered feminine or gay. I remember when I was four years old, yellow was my favorite color. But once  my pre-school peers and I learned yellow was a girl color, I was a laughing stock in school. I was called a girl and all sorts of vile 4 year old imaginative insults. I may have even been called a poopy head! I quickly changed my favorite color to green, because that was the coolest power ranger at the time. If green was your favorite color, you were in, man. You were the shi…I mean poop.

But thanks Power Rangers. Thanks a lot. If it wasn’t for your sexist portrayal of actresses playing typically “girly” colors, I would have been spared that traumatizing torture. If you were so bold to break down the barriers of sexism, and made the girl in the green costume, and the boy in the yellow, maybe I would have been the coolest kid on the playground. Your insensitivity has ruined my life! It set me on a path I could never deviate from, before I even had a chance to choose my own path. I HATE YOU POWER RANGERS!!!

Enough about me.  Look, at the disproportionate casting. There is never more than two female rangers, and always a ton of male ones. That is ridiculous. Is this a symbol that women, save for a select few, specifically 1-2 in every 4-6 males are capable of doing great things? Of being the hero’s of a generation? Of saving the world? Of demonstrating great power? Is a team of two girls and four males demonstrating that men always have and always will keep women in check? That they will always overpower the women, and never rise against the men?

There is always one ranger who typically gets an awesome, incredibly powerful upgrade in a lot of the seasons. But the women never do. They might get extra power along with everyone else, and you might think, “Okay, there may be fewer women with power, but it is equal power.” But this “ultra upgrade” only applies to one person…a man…and it just goes to show that every time a woman gets more power, men will rise up with even greater power. You shameful bastard of a show!!

So the series fixed their “racist” problem. Did they ever remedy the sexist issues? Well… no! Some seasons only have one girl or none at all initially. Sometimes they are added in later, no doubt symbolizing that women are merely an afterthought when it comes to national dominance, just something to be added to please any nay-sayers.

ninja stormThough when Power Rangers: Ninja Storm came out, a girl was the blue ranger and a boy was the yellow. Was this in response to sexist claims? No it was not. The Japanese show dictates the sex of each ranger. The girl costumes always sported skirts.

Since they used so much stock footage, they could not alter the costumes in the American version for continuities sake. But isn’t just the simple fact of having skirts on the girls sexist too? What the heck? Why do they have to dress differently? We have already established that they designate specific colors for the girls, so why do they have to add insult to injury with a skirt too?

If the color isn’t tell enough who the females are, the bumps on their chests might be a good tip off!

5-female-power-rangers

Oh…that’s why, they started to vary on their colors a bit. But what does that mean? The skirts are added to remind you who the girl is once they are not in a girly color? Well, we don’t need reminding who each individual ranger is once they morph for the men, so why do we need skirts for the ladies?

But wait! In many of the older seasons, the pink ranger was the only one with a skirt, meaning the Japanese actor for the yellow ranger was most likely male, thus America really did not find it suitable for a male to be in such a feminine color, so it had to be a girl cast for the role. That is downplaying both sexes there! That’s right folks, you read right…DOUBLE SEXISM!!!

So again it comes down to the original creators in Japan. Shame on them for always making sexist Power Rangers series!! Oh wait!! Can I say that? By saying that, I can be considered racist! Uh oh!!

Wait a minute…

Hmm…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Now I get it. Now I understand. Everything has come full circle. I finally see how it is a racist TV show. It isn’t until you start thinking about it deeply enough that you realize how all these thoughts fit together and bring you to a place where racism and sexism exist.

BUT NO!!!

It is even DEEPER than that!!!

The colors of each ranger represent a prejudice that is buried within us all. This, combined with the violence in the show, makes those more aware of this prejudice feel uncomfortable. So they accuse the show of being racist, unwilling to admit that they themselves just might be.

Not wanting the success of their show to slip, the producers start adjusting things about the show to ease the complainers consciences. But ironically, these changes make other people aware of what they are doing, thus their solutions for peace just bring more awareness to the issue they are trying to avoid!

Pretty soon everyone is pointing fingers at someone else, blaming someone for each individual problem, so before long everyone involved in the making of the series is guilty of something. Naturally, there are multiple races and both sexes working on these shows, so this creates racist and sexist feelings in the workplace. So now it is like the shows issues have overflowed into the studios making them, so what was once accidental offensive fiction has now spilled out into the real world!

Before you know it, people are infected by this and go home and tell their friends and family, who spread it to everyone they know, so that eventually the entire nation is gripped by these awful, unethical feelings. The atmosphere of daily life becomes dark and polluted…everyone feels alone, themselves versus the world kind of deal. Breakdowns, divorces, hysteria and other stress related illnesses become more frequent. Crime rates skyrocket! The nation goes in a downhill slump. And when everything is on the breaking point, things start to look up! The people realize that all this horrible, horrible mess isn’t really their fault. It can all be traced back to the Super Sentai Rangers of Japan.

Suddenly the haze clears and life returns to normal. America can now throw the blame to Japan for creating such an insensitive show.

So what do they have to say for themselves, for the hurt Americans demand answers!

They would honestly probably say “What are you talking about? Get over yourselves! There is nothing wrong with our series’ so please shut up and have a nice day.”

The Americans do not take nicely to this kind of backlash, so now intercontinental war has been started and all on the basis of race! But the women of America are not to be forgotten as well! They demand better representation in their lives, so now a civil war has emerged as well. Not to mention the home quarrels of the broken relationships that will never heal from when the show first came out and revealed it’s racism. Now the country is fighting on two fronts, one of them their own! But with all wars, other nations are dragged in, so that eventually the whole world is involved in one way or another. And who knows if these silent wars will ever be concluded?

There will never be a trust among people like there was pre-Power Rangers. It is the immoralities and offensive use of visual stimulation that has torn this world apart. It’s why there is such a gap between men and women, why different ethnicities will never truly call each other “brother” and to avoid being sexist, “sister.”

And going back to the rangers themselves, what options do they have left when casting new rangers? The actors can’t be in the same color as their skin, the girls can’t be in typical girl colors, etc. Like there are so many rules to just putting someone in a costume that they might as well just make them all colored gray and play it safe. I’m always hearing there are 50 shades of gray, so they’ve got plenty to work with. But I am not even sure if that is safe to say. Who am I offending by saying gray? You can never be too certain but I’m sure someone will be upset. Like jeez, do you see the fearsome uncertainty that plays on our every decision? The feeling of unease that fills our lungs with every breath, that makes our hearts pound just a little more urgently? I have always been looking for a reason why life stinks so badly and now I understand.

For more global reasoning, consider this.

It is because of Power Rangers that Hilary Clinton did not become the 45th President of the United States, why America will always have a presence in the middle east, why nations stockpile nuclear bombs and why men will always make more money than women, why the unemployment rate is so high, and why the Great Recession came about!!

Every problem you ever had from the 90’s onward might be related to the first season of Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers…

And it’s all because they cast a black guy as the black ranger.

Image result for zack black ranger
He never knew accepting this job would become “the shot heard around the world”