I Detest/Pity Movie Critics

Movie critics irritate the heck out of me. I’ve only read a handful in my life, not even, maybe like three or four, for I am not one to give a damn what critics think, especially for movies. The only ones I’ve ever read were for movies I loved, but discovered were poorly received, and was curious what people had to say about them.

And I just can’t believe the thought these movie critics put into watching movies. They over-analyze every possible aspect, and then compare it to mountain-sized budget films filled with the best actors on the planet.

In other words, if it’s not a revolutionary idea, with a thought-provoking, philosophical plot with billions upon billions of dollars and won’t even be considered for almost every movie award out there, then the movie is complete trash.

Seriously, reading these reviews are painful. They go on and on about every little detail in the movie, blasting apart every flaw, no matter how minor. They use unnecessary big words and talk in a language that no one else uses to make themselves sound smart and educated, so they’re essentially saying, “I know more than you, so what I am saying is absolutely correct.”

What makes this worse is that these reviews are almost always highly opinionated or biased which makes reading them pointless.

So after a 20 minute read, you finally get to the end of the review, just to find out that they don’t really let you know if the movie is entertaining, which is, you know, the most important aspect of a film.

Well, that’s not entirely true. They come out and say, “The movie was not entertaining because the main actor isn’t going to win any awards, the plot wasn’t great and the script was cringe-worthy with bad jokes, the low budget of the film is obvious, blah, blah blah blah blah.

By the end of the review I just want to punch these people’s nerdy little teeth out.

How can you ever possibly enjoy any movie when you analyze the hell out of it, actively searching for any and everything to complain about. Sure that’s kind of what a movie review is for, but do people really care that much about it? Sadly, the answer to that is yes, and I despise those people as much as the reviewers.

Bottom-line, just watch the movie. It’s not a chemistry project or a complicated math equation. Just take it for what it is with no expectations or comparisons at the ready, and chances are you’ll enjoy it. Just because a movie isn’t the greatest movie of all time or remotely even close to it doesn’t make it a bad movie.

Because of these idiotic reviewers, many great movies go unnoticed or sequels get canceled, because somehow, a ton of people actually do pay attention and listen to these doofs.

And that is why I pity critics and their followers as much as I hate them. They look at movies in the worst way possible and will never truly enjoy a single movie. Their lives may be completely unfulfilling as well if they treat every aspect of their lives like that. I feel bad for their spouses too…

Off topic a bit, critics despise action movies. Don’t ever listen to them about those. According to critics, there should be much less people getting killed and stuff blowing up, and far more plot and character development. STFU you wankers!

If you want to get a decent grasp of a movie, you’re better off looking at what the general consensus of the regular people who aren’t actual critics say. But even then, I find myself not in agreement a lot of times.

It’s all just personal opinion, so reviews are relatively pointless in a way, unless you strive to stay in the majority of the public mind-set, which unfortunately a lot of people do.

Top 10 Worst Eminem Songs

In my opinion, Eminem is by far the greatest rapper to ever live. I’m just going to say that flat out. If you disagree with that, okay. Makes no difference to me.

But nobody is perfect. While 99% of Eminem’s songs are good to incredible, he has slipped up a few times over the years. So I thought it would be fun to compile a top 10 list putting a spot light on his 10 worst songs (in my opinion).

 

-Okay, it was actually hard to find 10 bad songs, so I have to stretch it a little bit.

#10

“On Fire”- Recovery, 2010

This song isn’t bad at all. I actually like it. I just don’t really like the chorus that much, and compared to the rest of Recovery, this song jumps out as the worse by far.

#9

“Jimmy Crack Corn”- The Re-Up, 2006

Again, this isn’t a bad song whatsoever, I just don’t love the rhythm he raps with in the first verse, even though it is reminiscent of the actual Jimmy Crack Corn song. And it has 50 Cent on it, and I absolutely hate him, so that doesn’t help. The chorus is a tad annoying too, but nothing that really hurts the song.

#8

“Yellow Brick Road”- Encore, 2004

Yet again, this isn’t a bad song. It’s just kind of boring. He tells a story about his origins at a slow pace with an unexciting beat under it. This is all fine, it’s not one of his best, and again, it was hard to find actual bad songs.

#7

“Maxine”- Infinite, 1996

I expect you’re tired of hearing this, but this is not a bad song either. The issue is that half the song is a phone call with Maxine, who is a prostitute basically, and you can barely hear anything she says. And I guess just rapping about a whore isn’t great source material to me. But yeah, it’s still a decent song.

#6

“Ass Like That”- Encore, 2004

This song isn’t horrible either, it’s just okay. And weird. It has some indian beat, and he raps with a slight indian accent or something. The lyrics are kind of all over the place as well.

#5

“Untouchable”- Revival, 2017

This song borders on being bad. It just has not a lot going for it. I don’t really like the beat, the chorus is maybe okay. But the main body just sounds messy at times, especially at the end of the song. It’s also weird that he talks in the perspective of a black guy, which makes it difficult to take the song seriously.

#4

“Nice Guy”- Kamikaze, 2018

I don’t know what he was thinking with this song. The song features Jessie Reyez more than Eminem, and she has the worst voice I’ve ever heard. It is scratching on a chalk board in human form. She is a terrible person and should never sing again.

But anywho, it’s a very short song, and half of it seems to be intentionally weird and bad, which makes it almost forgivable. It’s pretty obvious they didn’t take the song seriously or put a whole lot of effort into. So basically, they should have just cut it, cuz intentionally bad is still bad.

 

 

#3

“Mosh”- Encore, 2004

This has a slow, marching beat to it. So like Yellow Brick Road, this is a very boring song. And Em gets all political, complaining about war and whatever, which doesn’t really suit him. On top of that, the song isn’t catchy at all, there isn’t any great rhymes. It’s just…ugh…

These next two…these are really the only two songs I can truly say are absolute terrible.

#2

“Rain Man”- Encore, 2004

What was he thinking with this one? This song is just stupid. It’s like he wrote half a song, went into the booth and just muttered a bunch of stuff in between to make a full song. It’s just 5 minutes of bad. But it does have one of his most offensive lines of all time in it, which is both hilarious and really mean.

#1

“Big Weenie”- Encore, 2004

This song makes Rain Man look good. That’s how bad it is. I have no idea what he was trying to accomplish with this one. It has no purpose, there is no message. He just says random things,  the rhymes aren’t great, the beat is slow and boring. There’s nothing redeeming about this song at all.

There you have it. I probably would have been better off doing a top 5 worst songs, since I like most of the ones on this list, but oh well. 5-10 bad songs over a 20+ year career is a pretty good record, I’d say.

 

 

Sylvester Stallone- I Thank You For A Lifetime of Entertainment

This guy. This crazy action star. This crazy not action star as well. He is an amazing writer, fairly decent actor, and master of the entertainment biz.

I grew up in the 90’s, and what I watched was the usual Nickelodeon shows, Hercules and Xena, and FRIGGIN AWESOME 80’s ACTION MOVIES!!!!!

Stallone, Schwarzenegger (thank god that’s in spell check, cuz didn’t know how to begin spelling that), Steven Seagal, Mel Gibson, whatever other movies that involved machine guns that never ran out of ammo and enormous explosions. Though oddly, I’ve never seen a single Die Hard movie.

But it was the Stallone movies that were always my favorite. Demolition Man, The Specialist, Tango & Cash, Cobra. It didn’t matter what, I just love them. But above all, I absolutely love the Rambo series. I still consider them some of the best action movies ever made. Seeing the fourth one opening night was the best movie-going experience I have ever been to. The sold out theater was so full of energy, some of the crowd in red bandanas, everyone in love with the same series as myself. We cheered at the awesome parts, shouted quotes from the older movies; it was like going to a convention all about Rambo.

Then, when I thought his career was over, he brings us a truly incredible trilogy. I am of course talking about the Expendables. Again, these are some of the best action movies out there…all three of them. And what’s more, he gave us something every 80’s and 90’s kid always hoped for. A movie with Stallone and Arnold (not trying to spell his last name again) kicking butt side by side. But he didn’t stop there. He brought in all these action stars from over several decades and actually did a great job balancing screen time for them all. Stallone and Jason Statham are the main characters, so they get the most obviously, but there is plenty of other time for everyone else.

Did you ever think you would see Jet Li fight Dolph Lundgren? How about Steve Austin beat the hell out of Stallone? This is a dream come true, and all done in the style of 80’s action with modern cinematics.

But there is one franchise that sits above all Stallone’s feats. You know I am talking about the Rocky movies. The film that made Stallone world renowned. This movie and it’s five sequels are just phenomenal. I actually have a post where I rank them all.

They are my favorite films of all time. And having him in the Creed movies is just as wonderful, again all these years later, he is still giving us the characters we grew up with, that we love. They age as we age, making it easier to connect with them. We get to watch them deal with struggles throughout these characters lives. We grow and learn with them. It’s just a fascinating experience.

And Stallone, on the downhill slope to 80, is doing it to us again. I am of course talking about Rambo 5, or rather Rambo: Last Blood. When my brother told me that he was making this, I went through the roof. Then the trailer came out, and I went through the clouds. Right away, I gasped, “This looks like it was going to be the best one.” The second trailer solidified that feeling.

I of course will reserve judgement until I see the movie, but damn. What a way to go out. Though I assume Stallone will give us more, and maybe even a Rambo 6 when he gets bored in his late 80’s.

It scares me to say that. If you are like me, you worry about when actors you love get old. I have now lived through this with all my favorite action heroes now senior citizens. But I can’t imagine a world without Sylvester Stallone in it. The movies he comes with out with are always my cup of tea. When he dies, it will be like losing a family member. I know that sounds weird, but it’s the truth. I felt the same way when Han Solo died. I was upset over that for like three days! Stallone will take me a lot longer to get over, because we will lose the actor himself, Barney Ross, Rocky Balboa, and John Rambo. All of them, dead. I have never met the actor and it’s pretty safe to say I never will, but all the characters he’s played, I feel like I know so well. It is going to be a devastating time.

But anyway, that’s kind of depressing talk, so for now, I am going to be anxiously waiting for Last Blood to come out on Sep. 20.

But I just want to say thank you Sylvester Stallone. My life would literally not be the same without you in it.