Series Ranked: Super Mario Bros

This past Friday marked the release of the amazing looking Super Mario Odyssey for the Nintendo Switch, which is now one of the highest rated games of all time, joining The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild.

To celebrate this exciting occasion, I am going to rank all of the mainline Super Mario games. There are far too many spin offs to include all of them. Unfortunately, this means RPG, the original Mario Bros, Mario Maker and Yoshi’s Island will not be included in this list, but oh well.

I will rank them from worst to best.

#17

Super Mario Land

Game Boy, 1989

Times Beaten-1

The very first handheld Mario game turned out to be a very short adventure, taking no longer than 20 minutes to beat. It is still a fun little game however.

 

#16

Super Mario Bros: The Lost Levels

Famicom, 1986 / SNES 1993

Times Beaten-0

Originally called Super Mario Bros 2, it was somehow never released outside of Japan. Most people didn’t play it until it was called the “Lost Levels” which was added in Super Mario All-Stars several years later. It is very similar to it’s prequel and takes off right where it left off, making this game very infamous for it’s difficulty. I never put too much time into it to really say much about it, for it was so similar to the first game.

#15

Super Mario Bros

NES, 1985

Times Beaten-2 or 3

This is probably the most famous game of all time, and forever will be so. To this day, it is a fun enough game, but I was never that huge a fan of it due to it’s stiff jumping mechanic and constantly having to replay through the same levels to get to the warp pipes so you can continue where you left off.

 

#14

Super Mario Land 2

Game Boy, 1992

Times Beaten-2 or 3

 

This game is quite unique and still a lot of fun to play. The level designs and nifty power ups, not to mention the introduction of Wario, make this a game to be remembered.

 

#13

Super Mario Bros 2

NES, 1988

Times Beaten-2

This game really took the series in a whole new direction. Suddenly instead of jumping oneverything, you were throwing radishes at them. It’s a really bizarre game, but a lot of fun. The fact that there is 4 playable characters, all with unique traits, make this a very ambitious game for the time.

#12

Super Mario 3D Land

3DS, 2011

Times Beaten-1

This was another twist for the beloved series, taking advantage of the 3D graphics to create a different adventure for Mario, combining elements from the side scrolling games with the 3D ones. While it is a fun game, I wished I was playing a regular 2D or 3D Mario most of the time.

#11

New Super Mario Bros

DS, 2006

Times Beaten-1

A return to the side scrolling age after a decade of being in 3D was a most exciting concept. The only bad thing was that this meant it would be facing up against the last 2D Mario, Super Mario World. And it didn’t even come close, having focused more on keeping faithful to the original NES game, but with a ton of new features added to it.

#10

Super Mario 64

N64, 1996

Times Beaten-2

This is also one of the most famous games ever made, responsible for ushering 3D games into the limelight in a good way. Though the game had a few flaws, it was still pretty amazing for the time. I never was too into it, however, for I felt it was far worse than some of the 2D games.

#9

New Super Mario Bros Wii

Wii, 2009

Times Beaten-4

While this game was a huge improvement over the DS game, it still sorely fell behind some other 2D Marios, making me realize they weren’t even trying to create these side-scrollers like they used to. The “New” series seemed to be something completely different, and while not as good as some of the classics, they are still solid games.

#8

New Super Mario Bros 2

3DS, 2012

Times Beaten-1

This game is a lot of fun, especially compared to the previous two on this list. It was so satisfying to just run like crazy, collecting absurd amounts of coins, through some of the best platforming seen in years.

#7

Super Mario Sunshine

GameCube, 2002

Times Beaten-3

This is probably the most unique Mario game around. Cleaning graffiti with a water pack that has all sorts of different settings, while traversing through beautiful landscapes…just awesome. There was plenty of platforming challenges scattered throughout the game as well, making this a fantastic game all around.

#6

New Super Mario Bros U

Wii U, 2012

Times Beaten-1

Now this is what I’ve been waiting for. Amazing platforming chock full of secrets and challenge, new power ups and other ideas, all scattered throughout a massive world. This was the game I have been waiting for ever since they announced the “new” line of platformers back on DS.

#5

Super Mario Bros 3

smb3

NES, 1988

Times Beaten-2

This game was more than anyone could ever have expected at the time of its release. It completely blew every other platformer out of the water, and still does to most even today. It was such a vast improvement over it’s prequels, it’s amazing to think they are in the same series. A huge world, tons of new content, and unique items will keep this one in the record books forever. It is funny I have only ever beat the game twice, for as a small child, I played this game constantly, just goofing around on the many great stages.

#4

Super Mario Galaxy 2

Wii, 2010

Times Beaten-1

The only reason this places lower than the first game is because this was not really the true game. The only reason this game exists is because there was so much that couldn’t fit into the first game, that Nintendo decided to just make another game to put it all in, which is great news for fans! It’s almost like the best DLC ever. So the whole central idea was not fresh at this point, but there were a ton of new ideas and planets to explore and items to grab that made this game stand out by itself.

#3

Super Mario Galaxy

Wii, 2007

Times Beaten-2

This game is a masterpiece. It is probably one of the very few games I can say I could literally not put down. I was so amazed by how good it was, that in only 3 days I got every star and unlocked Luigi, only to immediately beat the game with every star with him too. No other game has had me play so much at one time, and do it over again with no time in between. The game is so unique and incredible, that I long to play it again…(Curse you backlog!)

#2

Super Mario World

SNES, 1990

Times Beaten-At Least 20

This is probably the best platformer ever made, in my opinion. I spent my childhood uncovering every tiny little secret in this diverse, huge world. The game is so vast and just perfect. I absolutely love it and I can pick it up anytime and play through it, taking all the shortcuts to beat the game quickly, or slowly beat every level, and uncover all the secret paths and not stop until I beat Special Land and turn the world into that awesome weirdo place where the Koopas are Marios.

#1

Super Mario 3D World

Wii U, 2013

Times Beaten-1

Here it is, the best Mario game ever made. I was rather disappointed when they announced the next 3D Mario would be in the same 2D/3D combined style like Super Mario 3D Land, seeing that I wasn’t all that impressed with that game.

But the second I played it, I was proven wrong. The new items, particularly the cat, is amazing, the fact that you can play as a variety of characters, each with unique traits, is even more amazing, the humongous world to explore is creative and diverse, and the gameplay is just simply solid. This game delivered everything I could have wanted for this style of game, and I love it to death.

There is plenty to do in the game, giving it some nice replay value too. I had long given up hope that they would ever top Super Mario World, but it seems any game with “world” in the title is destined for greatness.

And there you have it. That is all the mainline games, ranked from worst to best. They are all very good, memorable games, and there are tons of spin off or other series with Mario that are just as good, if not better. It is safe to say that the gaming industry would not be the same without this little fella, so my hat’s off to him. I can’t wait to see where Odyssey fits in this list!

switch-super-mario-odyssey-press-7pd-1280x720

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Series Ranked: Metroid

Back with yet another series ranked of a video game franchise, so soon after my Sonic The Hedgehog one. But I wanted to celebrate the recent release of Metroid: Samus Returns, and the announcement of Metroid Prime 4 back at e3 in June.

Metroid is probably my third favorite game franchise of all time. So it thrills me to compile this list. I will only be ranking the games I own, which is all of them except the brand new 3DS game, Federation Force, and Metroid Prime pinball. But I have played the latter and it is probably one of the best pinball games out there, so I would recommend it to anyone who is interested.

Well, anyway, here they are, all the Metroid games in my collection, ranked from worst to best.

 

#11

Metroid

NES, 1987

Times Beaten-2

The very first in the series is the worst, which makes perfect sense. For the time, the game was incredibly ambitious and really, really good. But it has aged extremely poorly. Every area looks the same, but just changes colors making it hard to navigate, you can’t duck, which is problematic, and when you die, which is often, you start with about 2 hits worth of health to attempt to progress, forcing you to painstakingly kill enemies in the hopes that you get more health without getting hit yourself. But once you manage to find Varia Suit and Wave Beam, it becomes much easier, though the first time I beat it, I failed to find either, so it was a long, hard road for me…

#10

Metroid Prime: Hunters

DS, 2006

Times Beaten-1

This game was more intended for multiplayer, which actually was very fun. The controls felt a bit awkward, but I think mostly because it was confusing playing it sort of backwards, being left handed. The campaign was not great either and their aren’t many abilities to collect in this game. Still decent fun overall, I suppose.

 

#9

Metroid: Other M

Wii, 2010

Times Beaten-1

This game is good, despite what the majority of the internet seems to think. It has many of the abilities you would want in a Metroid game, plus a lot of new additions and ideas in the game that make it stand apart from the rest of the games. That being said, there were a ton of very stupid decisions made as well, decisions that really hurt it and prevented it from being one of the best. Like really stupid…

I always say it’s a good video game, but a bad Nintendo game.

#8

Metroid II: Return of Samus

Game Boy, 1991

Times Beaten-Around 5

If you’ve read my Top 10 Game Boy games post, you’ll know that I find this to be the best game ever made for the legendary handheld. It was just so amazing for the time and is still great today. Tons of new items, a huge, less confusing world and the thrill of the hunt make this something great.

As a side note, from this game onward, I absolutely love them all. They are without a doubt, phenomenal games.

 

#7

Metroid Prime 2: Echoes

GameCube, 2004

Times Beaten-Around 3

This game really shook things up. For the first time, the developers didn’t just recycle all of Samus’ old tricks. They gave her a ton of new, amazing abilities, some awesome looking suits, and threw her in a deadly, atmospheric world with a deeper story. It is easily the hardest of the Prime trilogy as well, but also very rewarding. This game took a lot of risks, but I feel the beam ammo idea hurt it a lot. I usually just wind up using Power Beam for most of the game. Even so, this is nothing short of a great, exciting game.

#6

Metroid Prime 3: Corruption

Wii, 2007

Times Beaten-2

Again, they took a lot of risks with this game and gave us something completely new once again. As with all the Prime games, you get sucked into a gorgeous world, so detailed and amazing. The use of the Wii Remote makes the game a lot of fun, utilizing many different ways to use Samus’ various abilities. On top of all that, it is so, so, so, so, so much fun. The only bad thing about this game is that it is too easy. It is the only Metroid game I ever played that I didn’t die my first run through.

 

#5

Metroid: Fusion

Game Boy Advance, 2002

Times Beaten- Around 7

This was like a gift from the heavens when it came out. At long last, we got a sequel to Super Metroid, something I was waiting my whole life for, and it didn’t disappoint. They really changed up the Metroid formula for this game, introducing a whole slew of things never done before. It made for an interesting time, that’s for sure, and has one of the best stories in the whole series, with great music and sound effects to support the mood and atmosphere of the game. Aside from the first game, this is probably the hardest Metroid game too.

 

#4

Metroid: Zero Mission

Game Boy Advance, 2004

Times Beaten-At least 10

This is what I consider to be the best remake of all time, though it now looks to be rivaled by the new remake of Metroid II now. This took everything from Super Metroid and Fusion and created something truly magnificent. This game has a ton of new ideas mixed in with most of the old, making it something you can play over and over again.

 

#3

Super Metroid

SNES, 1994

Times Beaten-At least 70

This is a game everyone has heard of, as it is considered one of the best games ever made. And rightfully so, though it is just barely better than Zero Mission. It has some of the best gameplay ever created to date. The amount of content added to this over it’s prequel is astounding. The setting takes place on the same planet as the first game, but it comes to life in a way the NES could never hope to achieve. All the abilities are so fun to use, and there are a lot of them. I could go on and on about this game, but I will just stop here before I get too excited.

#2

Metroid Prime

GameCube, 2002

Times Beaten-Around 5

Released alongside Fusion, 2002 turned out to be the best year for Metroid fans. After an 8 year hiatus, not only did we get a side-scrolling sequel to Metroid 3, but we at long last got to see Samus in all her 3D glory, having skipped the N64 completely, with the exception of her appearance in Super Smash Bros.

It turns out, it was worth the wait. The world of Metroid turned out to be amazing, thanks to the graphical capabilities of the GameCube. Nearly every ability you could ask for was in this first-person-shooter, and it was all done to cater to the drastic new gameplay. Of course, there is tons of new content as well. It is just a great game that is only marginally better than Super Metroid. Like it’s really close between them.

Well that’s it for the Metroid games, but the #1 spot has to go to this amazing compilation.

#1

Metroid Prime Trilogy

Wii, 2009

I didn’t really want to buy this. I had all three games already. But yet, I found myself at GameStop the day it released, dropping 50 bucks on three games I already payed $50  each for. And I don’t regret it at all. These games are so good. 1 and 2 are updated with the motion controls used in the third game, and it just makes for a wonderful experience replaying them like that.

Now this game is like dirt cheap digitally, making it the best value out there. Three of the best games around for like $10? How could you go wrong? And that is why it is number 1 on this list.

 

 

And there you have it. Looking at the small number of games here, it is criminal that for such an old franchise, it sees such infrequent releases. It is one of the best franchises out there, yet it sees no love from Nintendo. It’s a darn shame. But I’ll take them as they come out, as long as they don’t say they are done with the franchise completely.

metroid samus-pose

Top 10 Game Boy Games

I’ve shown my 10 favorites games for the 3DS and DS, but now let’s take it back to the granddaddy of handheld systems, the Nintendo Game Boy. You remember it, right? That ugly gray, massive brick that took four AA batteries with the diarrhea colored graphics?

Despite its primitiveness, it still was home to many classic games that are still very fun to play even today, over 2 decades later. But which 10 are the best? Let’s find out!

I only have 19 Game Boy games, and only have played 16 of them. I don’t know, that’s just the way it goes. But of those 16, here are my 10 favorite. The developers and release year for each game will also be listed.

#10

 

gb_kid_icarus_myths_and_monsters_p_7s9lumKid Icarus: Of Myths and Monsters

TOSE/Nintendo

1991

 

The sequel to Kid Icarus for NES, it had all the fun of the first game, but was way down scaled, making it a shorter and much easier game than the first.

#9

KDL2_BoxartKirby’s Dreamland 2

HAL Labs/Nintendo

1995

 

I still remember the first time I played this game. I loved the first game, but this took it up so many levels. With more powers and neat little friends to ride around on, the game was just so much better in every way.

#8

WarioLandBoxArtSuper Mario Land 3: Wario Land

Nintendo

1994

 

It’s not every day someone can say they stole not only the spotlight from Mario, but also the reins. Wario became such a popular villain, that he got his own Mario-esque platformer that was so good it rivaled Mario’s own games. It really is hard to say which is better, as far as Game Boy games are concerned.

#7

Super_Mario_Land_2_box_artSuper Mario Land 2

Nintendo

1992

 

After careful consideration, I found this game to be just a bit better than it’s sequel. This is the game that conceived Wario, which was awesome enough, but the fun, different power ups and unique worlds and levels are what really make this game shine.

#6

Donkey_Kong_Land_2_CoverartDonkey Kong Land 2

Rare Ltd./Nintendo

1996

 

What do you get when you take one of the best games ever made and slap it on Game Boy? An inferior, smaller version of course…that you can play anywhere! This is a much shorter version of the SNES game, but is still a whole lot of fun.

#5

Donkey_Kong_Land_III_CoverartDonkey Kong Land 3

Rare Ltd./Nintendo

1997

 

Again, this is just a smaller scaled version of it’s SNES counterpart, but there were some differences as well, which is why it is higher than it’s prequel.

#4

wario-land-2Wario Land 2

Nintendo

1998

 

I played the fudge out of this game when I was a kid. Having started his own franchise now, he also adopted a more unique style of gameplay, thus distancing himself from his cousin. What we got was a clever, unique and unbelievably fun platformer that I found very hard to put down, even after beating it over and over again.

#3

Donkey_Kong_Land_CoverartDonkey Kong Land

Rare Ltd./Nintendo

1995

 

This game is amazing. It is the only game in the trilogy that is completely unique from the SNES versions, but obviously it still borrows heavily from Donkey Kong Country. Besides an annoying and terrifying way to save, this is a wonderful platformer.

#2

red-bluePokemon Red/Blue

Game Freak/Nintendo

1998

 

This was a game changer. The release of these two games literally shook the world and changed the lives of every youth on the planet. Cards and a TV show followed and Pokemon continues to be one of the most popular…things…ever created, and it all started here. The ability to walk around a huge world and catch 150 creatures and use them to fight with an enormous variety of moves was what made this game so appealing. Well that and you could link your Game Boy with a friends to trade Pokemon or battle. It was just such an amazing time to be alive and still brings warm feelings to my heart…sniff…

#1

Metroid_II_US_boxartMetroid II: Return of Samus

Nintendo

1991

 

Here it is, the best game on Game Boy, as far as I am concerned anyway. This game blew my mind. I didn’t even have to play it to love it. I used to just stare at the cover art because Samus just looks so cool there. But once I played it, I could not believe what an amazing game this is. It destroyed the first game on NES in every way possible. A bigger, much less confusing world jam packed with enemies and secrets, better graphics, new power ups, amazingly better gameplay, etc… I was just so amazed how good this was for a simple Game Boy game. It still impresses me to this day. I can’t wait to get my hands on the remake that just came out.

Well there you have it. The top 10 Game Boy games! I would recommend trying these out if you get the opportunity to!

 

 

 

 

 

The Future Of Super Smash Bros

I have been hearing a lot lately about how people would very much like to see some “Super Smash Bros For Switch Deluxe” something or other, this title being an updated version of Smash for Wii U and 3DS combined, but with some bonus material as well, much in the same manner they did with Mario Kart 8 Deluxe and Pokken Tournament DX.

Well, I’ve got a better idea. How about a brand new Smash game? Doesn’t that sound better? Sure the other one would likely come out a whole lot quicker, but why spend the resources? A brand new game, fitted just for Switch makes a whole lot more sense to me. And this time, without the limitations of the 3DS holding it back, it could be a truly perfect game, as good as it can be for both home and handheld play. That is what I want. Not a remake.

But while we are on the subject, let’s talk a bit about the series and what I hate about it. Well…hate might be a strong word.

Let’s get this straight. I love the series…all 5 games are incredible and I still play all of them regularly. The matches are the best part about this. Local multiplayer and even yourself fighting against 3 computers for the sheer fun of it is truly something incredible.

I love the varying stages and the creative and different ways to play on each one. I love the huge cast of characters, and yes, I am including clones as well. I realize they are just a generous bonus from the developers and not “taking the place of another character” as so many outraged people claim. It’s nice to see a clone character rather than them being just a costume. Anyway, playing four player with random characters on random stages has brought me thousands of hours of enjoyment.

But then we get to the more single player stuff. I can not stand it anymore. The multi-man challenges, the homerun contest, the target challenges, classic mode, adventure mode, all-star mode. Dear God I am so sick of them all!

I can’t sit there and beat all these modes with every character in the game another time. We’ve already done it 5 times, and with an ever growing list of characters, it becomes more tedious and annoying.

TrophyIf they are insistent on leaving these, then at least allow us to use a large group of characters at once, or stop giving out trophies for beating it with each one. If you give no reward that people want, then only those who want to do it for fun can have at it. The rest of us who want to collect everything shouldn’t have to suffer through such repetitive and tedious things.

So here are my wishes for the next Smash installment. Drop all that crap. We don’t need it. Developers should spend all their time on characters and stages. Obviously, most of their time is already spent on this I would imagine, but without everything else, they can give us some more. Include every stage and character that has already been in each game and then add a bunch more. I know that is a lot of content and very unrealistic, but who cares? This is my dream! This is all I care about, as many characters and stages to use them on as possible. Oh and maybe some more unique costumes instead of just recolors would be nice too, like what Project M did. Though they do generally base the recolors off a other costumes, so that is something at least.

Luigi_Palette_(SSBM)

But if they really need to keep some single player stuff, keep the event matches. They are actually really fun to play, so I wouldn’t mind that.

Oh, and what happened to unlocking stages and characters? In the Wii U version, you started with nearly everything. Unlocking characters in Brawl and especially Melee made everything so satisfying and fun, and you felt so accomplished after getting them all. And yes, I know if they take out all the fluffy crap like Classic Mode, how will you ever unlock characters? And I simply say, they will think of something, whether it be the event matches, or doing something specific in battles with specific characters or what not. It could easily be done.

Make the adventure unlocking characters, not collecting hundreds of trophies from repeating the same tasks over and over again. Keep trophies for sure, but good God, we don’t need classic anymore. Or custom moves…those have to go. That was the worst. They forced us to beat modes with the same characters over and over again, praying that we would get all their move sets, only doing so after getting the same ones 50 times before getting that damned last one. That was the most tedious chore of them all.

And this game shouldn’t be a chore. It should just be what makes the game so fun. All out  fighting and trying to win for no other purpose than to have fun. 5 stock matches with no time limit for me, all day, everyday!

Super-Smash-Bros.-

Series Ranked: Sonic The Hedgehog

Sonic has been in the spotlight a lot the past few months, and especially now with the recent release of Sonic Mania, and for the first time in a long while, all the buzz about the speedster seems to be very positive. Sonic Mania is even being called by many to be the best Sonic game ever made…quite an impressive feat that no one thought would ever be said in modern times.

To celebrate Sonic’s good fortune, I am here to assemble a list of all Sonic’s games, from worst to best. And by all of them, I mean just the ones I own. There are an awful lot of Sonic games, I mean an awful lot, and I probably don’t even have half of them. I will not be including spin off games like the fantastic Sonic Spinball or Sonic and Sega’s All Star Racing. It’s about his main line games today…for the most part.

#22

Sonic The Hedgehog (PlayStation 3, 2006)

Times Beaten-1

 

This game had so much potential. New type of storyline, three awesome hedgehogs with their own campaigns, plus playable minor characters and beautiful level designs. But no…it turned out to be a disaster thanks to the development having been rushed, thus we all got stuck with an unfinished product. When you weren’t waiting for the game to load, you were getting game over after game over due to bugs and glitches, such as springs not bouncing you far enough and many other unavoidable death traps. I only beat this game on sheer luck of no glitches happening within a level. I always say, that if the developers were able to put the right amount of time into the game, it would have been one of Sonic’s finest games, not one of the worst.

#21

Sonic The Hedgehog (GameGear, 1991)

Times Beaten-1

 

This is basically a dumb downed, but different version of the original genesis game. It is very short, but fun. Not much else to say.

#20

Sonic Gems Collection (GameCube, 2005)

Sonic Gems Collection

This is a compilation of some of the crappier Sonic games. It comes with Sonic CD, Sonic The Fighters, Sonic R and a bunch of games on GameGear… Sonic the Hedgehog 2, Sonic the Hedgehog Spinball, Sonic The Hedgehog: Triple Trouble, Sonic Drift 2, Tails’ Skypatrol, and Tails Adventure. Though it’s not fair of me to say they are crappy. I only played 2 of them. I beat Sonic the Fighters which is pretty bad and I didn’t ever have time to beat Sonic CD in one sitting and the stage select is terrible, only allowing you to play part of a stage. Gems technically shouldn’t be on this list, but since I didn’t play most of the games here, I figured I’d throw it in as one, instead of listing them separately.

#19

Sonic Adventure DX: Director’s Cut (GameCube, 2003)

Times Beaten-0

 

This is an updated version of Sega’s ambitious, first 3D Sonic game. It isn’t very good, but it’s a somewhat well put together game. The variety of playable characters makes it diverse and interesting. Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, and that robot whose name I can’t remember have fine campaigns, but Amy walks unbearably slow, making her story miserable, and the last character, Biggs the Cat is just awful beyond description. Each level you just fish. I think fishing in real life is one of the most boring things a person could do, but it is much worse in a not so good game playing as a fat, retarded cat. I quit the game at this point, because I couldn’t catch the fish in the second or third level, and as far as I know, there is no trick, just wait and hope it bites…just like real fishing!

The coolest feature of this game is the Chao Garden, where you can raise little blue alien things and level them and evolve them into cooler little blue alien things. I never dabbled in this though, so I don’t know too much about it.

#18

Sonic and the Secret Rings (Wii, 2007)

Times Beaten-1

 

This is another not so good game. Sonic had it rough in the beginning of this generation of consoles it would seem. But it was still an okay game I suppose. It is certainly playable in any case. It was also very different from previous games, so it had that sort of intrigue going for it. The best part about it is a very, very fun multiplayer party game that could rival the Mario Party series.

#17

Sonic 3D Blast (Genesis, 1996)

Times Beaten-1?

 

This was certainly a change of pace for the Sonic series. As the name implies, you are in a very ugly, confusing, 3D world. It is sometimes hard to land on enemies when you are trying to kill them, but besides that, it’s very fun, but not great.

#16

Sonic Chronicles: The Dark Brotherhood (DS, 2008)

Times Beaten-1

 

Sonic tries his hand at an RPG game, and I’ve gotta say, it’s not bad. I mean, it’s nothing spectacular, but you get a whole slew of playable characters, an interesting story, and  good use of the DS touchscreen to use special attacks. And I guess this would be sort of considered a spin off game now that I think about it. Oh well.

#15

Sonic and the Black Knight (Wii, 2009)

Times Beaten-1

 

If you ever wondered what all your favorite Sonic characters looked like clad in medieval armor and equipped with matching weapons, then this is the game for you. You even get to play as a bunch of them! It actually is pretty fun thanks to it’s unique qualities. There are a lot of awesome animated cut scenes as well. It has the same control scheme as The Secret Rings, but a bit easier to use. I would recommend this to anyone who hasn’t played it.

#14

Sonic Unleashed (Wii, 2008)

Times Beaten-1

 

You know, making this list has made me realize one thing. Sega really has gone all out in creating new ways to play Sonic, and I must give them huge respect for that. Most of their games are entirely different and completely unique, and whether they are good or not, it is fun just to experience something new.

Sonic Unleashed is no exception, and this one is literally split down the middle between good and bad. The game has two main gameplay styles. The first is running, mostly side scrolling, high speed sections as normal Sonic that are amazing and incredibly fun. It might be the best Sonic gameplay up to the point of this release. It’s that good. Then you turn into a werehog and punch the crap out of things. This kills the flow of the game and is a bit boring and repetitive. Not a bad game overall, though nothing remarkable.

#13

Sonic The Hedgehog 4: Episode I

(Wii, PlayStation 3, 2010)

Times Beaten-Once for each console

 

When they announced a continuation of the Genesis titles, picking up where Sonic 3 & Knuckles left off, it was some of the greatest news I have ever heard in my life. When I played it, it was a major disappointment. It did not have the feel of the old games at all. The controls and handling weren’t the same, and the game seemed to lack the speed and fun of the games it was trying to impersonate. And it was shorter than most of them. A total regression, though it was still enjoyable overall.

#12

Sonic Rush (DS, 2005)

Times Beaten-1

 

This was Sonic’s first adventure on DS and what a thrill it was. Lots of great, high speed, side scrolling action and a new character to play as. Lot of fun, with great music. This is the way Sonic should be.

#11

Sonic The Hedgehog 4: Episode II (PlayStation 3, 2012)

Times Beaten-1

 

Sega seemed to put a lot more effort into this game than episode 1. It is way better, and we had our old buddy Tails tailing us again. It was a bit longer of a game I believe too, and if you had both episodes, you unlocked a short campaign where you play as Metal Sonic. A very enjoyable game, though it’s feel and control scheme was still that of Episode I.

#10

Sonic: Lost World (Wii U, 2013)

Times Beaten-1

 

This game was sort of reminiscent of Super Mario Galaxy for you could jump and walk around all sorts of floating lands and the like. It had a nice mix of 3D and 2D gameplay and both styles are fun. There are some very funny moments in the story; one line made me laugh hysterically. The game is a bit too easy, but quite enjoyable nonetheless. Yet another unique experience for the blue blur.

#9

Sonic Colors (Wii, 2010)

Times Beaten-1

 

When this came out, it was the first undisputed good 3D Sonic game to come out in years. Sticking to mostly 2D gameplay with plenty of speed parts and slower platforming parts, it is a joy to play from beginning to end. The Wisp power ups are diverse and fun to use, and the whole carnival in space setting is quite awesome.

#8

Sonic The Hedgehog Chaos (GameGear, 1993)

Times Beaten-0

 

Okay, this one might not really deserve to be this high up. I haven’t played it in 20 years. My cousin had it and I used to play it all the time. I don’t remember if I beat it ever, I don’t think so. But I remember loving it. Every level was so much fun. This was the best handheld Sonic game I ever played and still is. I think…

#7

Sonic Generations (3DS, 2011)

Times Beaten-1

 

The modern handheld Sonic meets up with old school Sonic to save the world. You get to race through levels of old, as well as levels from more recent handheld games. It is a lot of fun, taking the best of both genres and mashing them into one incredible game.

#6

Sonic Generations (PlayStation 3, 2011)

Times Beaten-1

I know this is technically the same game, but it is not at all. The story is the same. Modern Sonic and old Sonic team up. But this time it is the modern Sonic from home consoles and you play through different levels than the 3DS version, taking them from console Sonic games and different Genesis games instead. It is a truly great game that plays and feels like the Genesis games when playing as old Sonic, something Sonic 4 failed miserably at. The 3D Sonic levels are remastered and some of the most fun you’ll ever have playing a 3D Sonic game.

#5

Sonic The Hedgehog (Genesis, 1991)

Times Beaten-Around 5-10

The game that started it all. It was an amazing game when it first came out, and still is today. This is some of the finest platforming you will ever come by, as well as some of the best music.

#4

Sonic The Hedgehog 2 (Genesis, 1992)

Times Beaten-Around 10

This I believe is the first Genesis game I ever played. It took everything amazing about the first game and simply made it better, adding a few multiplayer modes, a new character, better graphics and the ever so helpful Super Spin Dash. A true classic right here.

#3

Sonic The Hedgehog 3 (Genesis, 1994)

Times Beaten-Around 10

This took everything amazing about the second game and made it better even further. A true masterpiece.

#2

Sonic & Knuckles (Genesis, 1994)

Times Beaten-2 or 3

As a very young child, I probably played this one the most, but could never come close to beating it. I finally did for the first time probably as an early teenager. This game had the most fun and creative levels, some of the best music, the best cover art, best boss fights and the best addition ever, Knuckles. He has different abilities than Sonic and Tails, which makes for some more fun gameplay. He is way cooler than Sonic and Tails and was my favorite character in the franchise until Shadow came along, which ironically, I always wanted to see a black Sonic ever since I saw the cover art of this game.

This game coincides with Sonic 3, for they were meant to be one game, but was much too big. So instead they made Sonic &  Knuckles the coolest cartridge ever and made it so you can connect Sonic 2 & 3 into the top to allow you to play Knuckles in those games. This game also had a very good storyline for a completely nonverbal game.

 

And the best Sonic game is…

#1

Sonic Adventure 2 Battle (GameCube, 2002)

Times Beaten-Hard To Say

 

This game is incredible. A good story told out through 2 campaigns with 3 playable characters in each campaign, each with unique missions to complete. On top of that was the fact that each level had 5 Sonic Emblems to earn by completing various challenges, which gave huge replay value to the game.

A whole slew of awesome upgrades to each character enhanced the gameplay a lot, as well as the new, intriguing characters added to the game. The gameplay is a lot of fun for each character as you travel through amazingly designed stages with awesome music. Each character even has their own style of music for each of their levels.

There is some fun multiplayer too, though nothing mind blowing.

The most time consuming thing is the Chao Garderns. Unlike the first game, I put hours upon hours into growing my Chaos. It is so addictive. I never got bored of replaying the levels to find power-ups for the lil’ buggers. When you beefed them up enough, there are countless events they can participate in against other very strong Chaos. It’s fun. I couldn’t stop playing this game. But eventually a busier lifestyle and new systems and games to play forced me to put a stop to it. If I didn’t have a massive backlog of games, you can bet I would go back to this game.

The reason I say “hard to say” next to Times Beaten is because I’ve played through each level countless times, though only did the full story mode twice.

 

And that’s it! I have a handful of Sonic games in my aforementioned backlog, so I will update this list as I get to them. Who knows what the future will hold for Sonic, but for right now, it looks pretty good.

sonic forces

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My Top 10 3DS Games

I enjoy looking at top 10 lists, especially when they involve video games and such. It got me wondering what my top “whatever” are, so here I am, looking into my top 10 favorite Nintendo 3DS games. By my count, I have 61 3DS games, but of those 61, I have only played 45 of them, the rest are on my backlog. So of those 45 games, let’s see what my 10 favorite are.

#10

new super mario bros 2New Super Mario Bros 2

 Nintendo

2012

 

This game took an interesting take on the New Super Mario Bros series, the focus being on collecting tons upon tons of coins, even including a few new power ups and items to help you. On top of that, it is a really great platformer that far surpasses the first New Super Mario Bros game for DS.

#9

mario and luigi dream teamMario & Luigi: Dream Team

Alphadream Corporation/Nintendo

2013

The fourth game in the unique RPG series is just as hilarious, creative and bizarre as the others. Mario has to jump into Luigi’s dreams to rescue some pillow people, and in the real world, the bros have their own mission to complete. The battle system is as fun as ever, with some really cool and creative attacks, especially in the dream world. A great game for the 3DS library.

#8

mario kart 7

Mario Kart 7

Retro Studios/Nintendo

2011

 

The first numbered game in the Mario Kart series is also the first game to incorporate gliding and underwater driving, two nice additions. Tons of new and old tracks, carts, characters and other customization options make this the first handheld Mario Kart game that feels like a home console game.

#7

PaperMarioStickerStar3DSBoxartFinalPaper Mario: Sticker Star

Intelligent Systems/Nintendo

2012

 

The first handheld Paper Mario game takes the series back to it’s roots, sort of, well actually not. It’s back to turn based action in any case. It now has a world map like Super Mario World, no doubt to cater to the quick, on the go play style of handheld games. To attack, you must collect stickers of all shapes and sizes, learning to balance the small, weak ones with the huge, powerful ones, for only so many can fit in your sticker book. You get more pages as the game progresses though. This makes for a lot of fun, and some of the stickers are very creative and entertaining. The only negative thing I can think of is this is one of those games that you never know where the heck you are going, and some of the puzzles are near impossible to figure out.

The 3D visuals for this style of graphics is remarkable as well. Paper Mario is a game that should never be played without 3D. Unfortunately this will likely be the only game to ever be graced with such wonders.

#6

yoshi_new_islandYoshi’s New Island

Arzest/Nintendo

2014

 

Am I living in the 90’s again? This game feels and plays exactly like Yoshi’s Island for SNES. And that…is a wonderful, wonderful thing. There is some new additions to the gameplay, differentiating it, but keeping the core mechanics the same. It is truly a great sequel to a masterpiece. The only thing bad about it is the name.

#5

project x zone.jpgProject X Zone

Banpresto/Namco Bandai Games

2013

 

All your favorite Sega, Capcom, and Namco-Bandai characters coming together to save the world (or worlds)? And with a side of countless scantily clad women and big bouncing boobs? How could you ever go wrong? Combine those exciting elements with  great grid based RPG gameplay and you can’t at all. This game is fantastic in nearly every way. It also provides around 50 hours of gameplay, so prepare to immerse yourself in something amazing!

#4

link-between-worlds

The Legend Of Zelda: A Link Between Worlds

Nintendo

2013

I was surprised how good this game was. It is a sequel to the beloved Link to the Past, and does everything that game did right and added it’s own unique twists as well, such as the ability to traverse the dungeons in any order and turning into some painting figure. The game is a complete masterpiece, just like its predecessor.

#3

ocarina_3d_finalThe Legend Of Zelda: Ocarina Of Time 3D

Grezzo/Nintendo

2011

 

What do you get when you take one of the best games of all time and update it? Well, an updated version of one of the best games of all time, plus it’s now in the palm of your hand! With improved controls via the touchscreen and gyro sensors, along with updated visuals and other changes, Ocarina of Time has never looked or played so well.

#2

kingdom hearts 3dKingdom Hearts 3D: Dream Drop Distance

Square Enix

2012

 

This game plays just like all the other great Kingdom Hearts games, but this time you get to switch between Sora and Riku while they each progress through their own separate campaigns. The game features tons of new worlds, enemies and allies, and a new fighting mechanic known as flow motion. And story wise, this game is one of the best in the series, mainly because it finally answers all the questions that you might have had from all the other games and finalizes everything out and leaves only one unopened door. That door being the long awaited Kingdom Hearts 3. Everything else has been settled and the game ends with setting the scene for the third and most likely final game in this specific story arc.

#1

smash 3dsSuper Smash Bros for 3DS

Bandai Namco Games/Nintendo

2014

 

The fourth entry in the series proves to be the best, thanks to its huge and diverse roster of characters and stages. It is also a wonderful thing to have Smash in your pocket for whenever you wish to play it.

There are a ton of collectibles and trophies. The newest idea, and probably the worst, is the inclusion of somewhat different special moves for every original character, which is nice if that was something you were hoping to mess around with. The trouble is they are so tedious to collect. You will likely get the same ones 10 times over before getting one you don’t have. Aside from that, it’s the Smash Bros gameplay we all know and love. And to me, it’s all about the fighting, so the more characters and stages, the better the games. Who cares about all that single player fuzz? Though there is certainly a ton of it if that’s your thing.

This is the first Smash Bros game to include DLC as well. There are multiple characters and stages available, and countless Mii costumes, so the fun never stops.

There you have it, my favorite games in the 3Ds library, with Smash Bros being my favorite. Thanks for reading!

 

Image result for 3ds monster hunter

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Console Wars: Prices

For the past few weeks, I have been creating the ultimate Console War, pitting all the big consoles from all the big names in multiple fights against one another in “out of the norm” ways. Check out the intense war so far here via the links.

This week I shall be ranking the mighty consoles by their original release price. After all, pricing is super important when considering buying a console. Things get a little murky due to inflation and all that, but I will focus on the price it was when it released at that time, and only will I factor in inflation when there is a tie.

I will be using American retail prices.

All Nintendo consoles are in red text, Atari in orange, Sony in black, Sega in blue, and Microsoft in green

Let us begin.

#22 PlayStation 3- $499-$599

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This console had a ludicrous price. $499 for a 20 GB system, or for another $100, you could get 60 GB. It’s high price led to very poor sales for the first few years of it’s life. It came with Motor Storm though, a sub par racing game.

I waited until many years later to get my PS3, a 200 GB slim version for just $300. Companies do like to rip us off initially, don’t they?

#21 Xbox One- $499

Image result for xbox one original box

This is another huge price tag. Though everyone was expecting it to be this price, and it came with the Kinect, so I guess it was an okay price. But still, it’s high cost deterred a lot of people from buying it.

#20 Sega Saturn-$399

Image result for sega saturn original box

I don’t know what Sega was thinking. I don’t remember when this even came out, like the late 90’s I think. Never has anything cost this much before. This was a huge price for the time. I guess the company was overly desperate to make money. This console didn’t do so well, and the price probably had a lot to do with it. This was just another bad decision in a long string of them that unfortunately led to Sega’s downfall.

Now seeing as this is not the only console with a $399 cost, it is ranked the lowest due to its inflation, which would mean it would cost $630.58 today. Plus it was just such a ludicrous price.

#19 PlayStation 4-$399

Image result for ps4 original box

For a console of this generation in the modern market, its price isn’t too horrible, especially since everyone thought it would be higher. But it seems Sony learned from their mistakes with the PS3. Still a high priced item in my opinion.

With inflation, this system would now cost $412.52, making it less expensive than the Saturn. But for a nearly brand new system, that increase is rather depressing to see.

#18 Xbox 360- $299-$399

Image result for xbox 360 original box

This console had two versions. The more expensive one came with a 20 GB hard drive, while the cheaper didn’t have one at all. That’s a hefty difference for such a small amount of space. But it’s lower price helped put it way ahead of the PS3.

#17 Wii U-$299-$349

Image result for wii u original box

Though this console was cheaper than it’s two competitors, it did not help with its sales. The cheaper version of the console was colored white and came with an 8 GB memory.

The more expensive  was black and came with 32 GB of memory and the game Nintendo Land, which was sold separately for $60. Compared to other consoles on this list, they give you a lot more, for a lot less when it comes to the less expensive vs. more expensive versions.

#16 PlayStation-$299

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This was a high price point for 1995, but compared to the Saturn, it looked reasonable. Still, I am shocked it sold as well as it did. With inflation, this console would cost $472.54.

#15 PlayStation 2-$299

Image result for ps2 original box

Wow what a great box…Anyway, the PS2 was released at the same price as it’s predecessor…not bad for a significantly better console. With inflation, it would cost $418.21 today.

#14 Xbox-$299

Image result for xbox original box

The same price as PS1 and 2, but with inflation, it would cost $406.63. For a brand new company entering the market, I would say the price was a bit high, though it was on par with PS2.

#13 Nintendo Switch-$250-$300

Image result for nintendo switch original box
Not real box…

This is a shady one, as it has not come out yet. Though many rumors and a European site posting it for preorder suggest the price to be around here. The higher price is rumored to come bundled with a game. This certainly seems around the price for a Nintendo console, so it is not hard to believe.

#12 Atari 5200-$269

Image result for atari 5200 original box

This was really expensive for 1982…like really expensive. I guess Atari thought they could get away with it after the success of the 2600.

#11 Jaguar-$249

Image result for atarijaguar original box

This was a pretty high price for 1993, though for what the console could do, it was fair enough. Today, this sucker would cost $440.33.

#10 Wii-$249

Image result for wii original box

This price was ridiculously lower than it’s two competitors, and gave me hope that consoles have not all reached ridiculous prices. It’s significantly lower price most likely attributed to it’s high sales. With inflation, it would cost $297.48. It also came with Wii Sports.

#9 Sega Master System-$200

Image result for sega master system original box

About what you would expect for a price at the time of its release.

#8 Atari 2600-$199

Image result for atari 2600 original box

And so begins the long line of $199 consoles. Atari sort of set the bar with this price. Nowadays, it would cost $790.92. F$#k inflation.

#7 Nintendo Entertainment System-$199

Image result for nes original box

Next up is the NES, it’s price inflated to$445.44. For the price, the game also came with Super Mario Bros.

#6 Super Nintendo Entertainment System-$199

Image result for snes original box

This game came packaged with Super Mario World. Today it would cost $351.91.

#5 Nintendo 64-$199

Image result for n64 original box

This was the cheapest of its generation. Today it would cost $305.48.

#4 Dreamcast-$199

Image result for dreamcast original box

This was a great price in a market full of rising prices. It would cost us $287.69 now though.

#3 Gamecube-$199

Image result for gamecube original box

This is the last of the $199 consoles. It is the newest of these, thus inflation hasn’t had as much time to work it’s dark magic on it. It would be $270.64 right now.

#2 Sega Genesis-$189

Image result for sega genesis original box

This console stayed under in price just a bit from the SNES, but it didn’t come with a game, so it was actually a lesser value overall. But not for this list!

#1 Atari 7800-$139

Image result for atari 7800 original box

And here it is, the cheapest console on this list, and the cheapest console ever made really…as far as cartridge loading, multi-game consoles are concerned. I guess the company realized they really flobbed up with the pricing of the 5200 and sought to remedy it with this extremely low price. Whatever the reason, it has earned it the number one spot in this war.

But let’s see who the true winner is, the company with the most in the top 10!

Microsoft and Sony have come up short with 0 for each of them…serves em right, those money grabbing jerk bubbles!

Atari comes in next with 2 in the top 10.

Sega is the runner up with 3.

Nintendo leads the pack again with 5. Not hard to do when you have double the consoles than all the other companies, but still. They are earning their wins nonetheless. Thank you Nintendo for always looking out for our wallets!

Image result for nintendo price

 

 

 

 

 

 

Nintendo’s Switch Secrecy-Could This Be Bad Thing?

I have been worried for the past year at how secretive Nintendo has been about their new console, the Switch. Confirmed to be in development like 2 years ago as  codename “NX,” that is all that was basically said about the new console until a couple weeks ago (other than a release month).

In that long silence, about a thousand rumors were built up, every one was creating wild stories because we had nothing else to go off of. As with all rumors and hype and the like, this tends to get people thinking what it might be, and how it should be in their own personal preference. After a few months of rumors, a person could have a whole idea of what the console is going to be.

That being said, I was relieved to see that the system is in fact a portable/console hybrid, which was the central rumor. But it will more than likely not live up to all the other rumors that have spread or “leaked,” thus most likely leaving a lot of people disappointed, and just like that, said people immediately hate the console, because they bought into so many false claims that they were brain washed into thinking it was something it wasn’t, or at least hoping that it was going to be something other than what it was.

This immediate negativity could be avoided by not waiting so long without a single confirmed detail. And after countless months of waiting, what does Nintendo give us? A teaser trailer for the system, showing only its basic function and what it is officially called. A few games were teased as well.

Now keep in mind this trailer was released with only five months to go before the systems own release. Kind of cutting it short with advertising and all that, aren’t they?

Image result for nintendo switch

But after this trailer, we have got nothing since, and are now told to wait almost 3 more months for them to go into details with the Switch, January 12 being the exact date, a date in which the console will be released two months from! And in the short time since the reveal video, hundreds of rumors have already started flying around, adding to more false hype and confusion.

That gives the company only 2 months of solid ads and hype build, (which as hype is concerned, that’s probably a good thing, so it doesn’t get out of hand) and only allows a short time for people to decide if it is something they want to buy. If they decide they want it after seeing all the facts and don’t have the cash, now it is going to take some time to save up for it.

And then there is all those claims that people got confused about the Wii U being anything different from the Wii. This one blows my mind. It was made perfectly clear that it was a brand new console, how it was different and what it was capable of. If there are dummies like that who can get confused so easily, then shouldn’t advertising be a long drawn out thing, not a last minute revelation?

Image result for nintendo switch

Now you may be thinking, “Big deal, people will have plenty of time after it is out to decide to buy one or not,” which is true, but Nintendo needs a strong first year for the system to encourage third parties to continuing developing for it. Wii U had plenty of support at first, but due to lack of sales for the console, (plus being difficult to develop for) many of the third party devs decided it was not worth it at all to make games on it. And Nintendo can not afford lose that support again. Though they have said that third party support is one of their priorities for the new Switch, so that’s a start.

We’ll see what happens I guess, I just think it isn’t a great decision to keep consumers in the dark for so long.

 

Keeping Up With The Kardashians Needs To Die

Start Rant

I have had the misfortune the past few Sunday nights (I think it was that day) of being in the same room while my wife made herself become dumber by joining every other girl I know, and I am assuming half of the world’s female population, that is, I’m hoping it is no more than half, in watching the somehow successful Keeping Up With The Kardashians.

So successful thathglkkh…Sorry I just fell off my chair. I just looked it up.

12

There are 12 seasons of this garbage. All I can ask myself is how? My faith in humanity and the future of this world died well over a decade ago, but I have been brought to new lows. This show is bad, and stupid, and really, really, bad. Oh and it’s also boring. So boring it should be banned from television and wiped from all the unfortunate souls who have seen or heard this.

I have only witnessed maybe a half hour collectively of the show since, I guess, season…cringe…12 started up, and within 10 seconds of listening to them drone on about literally nothing infuriates me to the point of wanting to burn down my house for having a television that had that show on stand in my living room. My house is tainted from the sound waves that carried the shows audio. That is something that you can not just wipe off people! It needs to be burned, and it needs to be purged and stomped from this earth. I need to burn the ashes of my house and then throw them in the ocean and evaporate said ocean with some amazing laser that delivers the direct heat of the sun and explodes…ok that’s enough.

It is just bad. For those lucky enough to have never seen it, or somehow managed to find wives and girlfriends who have not seen it, allow me to explain it. Don’t worry, it’s quite simple.

Imagine you, your siblings, and parents all have video cameras, which they probably do anyway. Now imagine someone was filming them ALL DAY with those cameras. Now edit them all together into an hour long show and whammo. You’ve got “Keeping Up With (Insert Last Name Here).” Oh yeah, but pretend you are millionaires, don’t have jobs or any real problems in your life.

I don’t know about you, but my life is not at all interesting enough to make a show about it, and I’m willing to bet yours isn’t either. But don’t let that stop you, because it sure didn’t get in the way of the Kardashians! Believe me when I tell you they do not have interesting lives at all.

AT ALL!!!!!!

Their lives are about as exciting as the color white

Let me take you through a few of the scenes I remember seeing, the few my memory did not repress completely. I would say spoilers ahead, but nothing happens in this show that anyone could possibly care about. But I obviously am wrong cause again, 12 seasons. Oh my god, I literally just got nauseous seeing that number again.

Hold on to your hats and hair extensions ladies and gentlemen, cause here comes the first scene in my scarred memory. Two of the girls sitting on the couch, and talking about…

EYE LASHES!

That’s right folks…eye lashes…I don’t remember the specifics of the conversation, but man, it had to last like around 2 minutes. That doesn’t sound like much, but 2 minutes of one conversation on television is a very long time. I had never been so bored in my life. I’d rather listen to two chickens cluck at each other every so often. It would have been more intelligent conversation than these two girls!

Girl on right is freaking out because she can’t see girl on lefts eyelashes. But maybe this is a good thing? Maybe her eye lashes are not worthy of television!!? Such is the mystery and draw of this show

 

Hey Reggie, do you think there is a god? And if so, why did he make everything taste like us? That really does not bode well for our survival…

And remember, I was not giving my full attention to this show. I was playing Pokemon on my 3DS or something in the same room, and suddenly I found myself wanting to jump in my game and strangle my Kanghaskan and his little baby in the pouch, that’s how aggravatingly boring it was.

Another part I remember is like an obscene amount of time spent on one of the women being so nervous about going to NYC for a fashion show or something. Oh no, it was an interview on some TV show. But one of them was nervous about a fashion show probably, don’t worry. Others complain about what to wear to such and such occasion, so and so didn’t defend her sister when someone disliked something on Facebook. You know, all the problems real people have, our day to day struggles just to get by and survive paycheck to check, if we even get one. Those problems somehow seem minute compared to our darling Kardashians. Clearly every viewer flocks to listen to them talk about the “problems,” so that they can feel better about their own. Our lives are so much better than these poor women that I feel truly blessed at how we benefit from the wealth in this country.

 

 

 

But to really sum up the show for you, here is what happens. They lounge around in their various mansions, talk, go out to some fancy restaurant while they talk about what they want to order. If we are really lucky, we get to watch them eat it too! And they talk in between mouthfuls of course.

Then they are back on their couches that probably cost more than my car, in their fancy clothes that cost more than my house, and guess what talk…or if they really want to change things up, they all sit around and look at Facebook on their cell phones. Now let me tell you, you have never seen anything quite so dramatic and fierce as a bunch of girls looking at phones…unless you went to school in the past 15 years or pretty much have gone to any social gathering in the same time frame.

Then to really stir the pot, someone’s boyfriend might show up, and then they either talk, or go out to eat. The suspense on which they will choose is nerve racking. I mean, it’s a complete toss up! Who knows!? And the best part is, maybe Kanye West, one of the worst rappers alive, and possibly the dumbest and most conceited man I have ever read about, maybe, just maybe, will show up. I really have no idea though. Spoiler free there!!!

The only okay thing about this show is that the 3, 4, 5…? starring girls, (not the mom and her husband trying to be a girl) are all rather pleasant to look at.

Don’t Worry Boys and Girls, There’s Plenty Of Cleavage To Go Round

 

Though if I had as much plastic surgery as some of them have and spent 4 hours putting 13 pounds of makeup on, or rather, probably have someone else do it for me, then I imagine I would be pretty smokin’ too.

I want to cry when I think how much money we make for them, though admittedly they do make plenty for themselves too.

All I can say is that Kardashian is not recognized by my spell check, so there is peace of mind that at least my computer has not heard of them. Phew…

End Rant

 

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