The Trouble With Speed Bumps, and Lack of Parenting

You know, besides them being incredibly annoying and overused, some speed bumps have designated mph to go over them. If you do not meet this number, and are going over faster, your vehicle will bounce like it’s on a trampoline, and you’ll break your back in the process.

What I don’t get is why these speed restrictions are typically slower than the speed limits on the roads they are placed on.

Take a road marked 25 mph. That is a disgustingly slow speed limit to begin with (which most don’t obey anyway). But if it is a packed residential street, you’ll likely find its littered with speed bumps that are marked 15 mph.

bump 15

WHY?!?!?!?

They might as well drop the speed limit to 15 then because on the more obnoxious streets, there’s a bump every 50 feet or so, so you speed up just to slow down right away, over and over again.

I understand why they are there, to prevent people from flying by and all that, but what I don’t understand is why the bump speeds aren’t made to match the street mph. That way you can casually ride along at the posted speed, instead of constantly having to adjust.

The only conclusion I can come to is that the wussy, cry-baby residents complained real hard to the town.

But it’s not just any residents…oh no…there are two types of people stupid enough to pull this, and I despise them both.

The first, senior citizens, the really old ones. These people are slowing down, living in a world they can’t keep up with, and about the only thing they can do is pick up a phone and complain, determined to keep their hold on the world they think they own, being oldest and all.

old phone

The worse of the two however, are over-protective parents who need to shield their kids from speeding cars.

Here’s an idea, teach your kids to stay the heck out of the road, instead of attempting to bend the world around them, so they don’t grow up to be entitled little shits who think everyone will do anything for them, and thus the kid will never contribute anything beneficial to society, for they’ll be too busy expecting everything to be done for them.

If your kid is too young to be taught this, then either keep them away from roads, or restrain them from going near one when outside. I promise, not playing or running into a road is a pretty easy concept to understand.

The roads around my house are 25-30 mph, and so many times annoying mothers shout at me to slow down. Why? Because their dumb kids are playing where? In the @^%&ing street. And it’s not like these kids don’t have back, front and side yards to play in. Plus, I’m doing the speed limit, so shut up bitch. If your kid’s too stupid to avoid getting hit by slow moving vehicles, that’s not my problem.

We do have moron teenagers who ride quads and dirt bikes at like 80 mph on our road. Does this make me want to call the town to add speed bumps? Heck no! It just makes me look forward to the inevitable moment when a car pulls out of somewhere and these little speedsters plow into them, decimating themselves and forcing their good-for-nothing parents to pay for all damage and suffering they cause to the people they hit.

Anyway, f^&k the world, man, that’s all I’m saying.

Rubbernecking Should Be Considered A Capital Offense

I am so sick of sitting in traffic. It’s bad enough from commuter traffic, but it gets multiplied when an accident or road work happens. Okay. I get it, it’s annoying as all Hell, but what am I going to do?

But when the accident is on the other side of a highway, and we still sit in traffic for 30 minutes, that’s where the line must be drawn.

Every so often I sit in this “rubbernecking” traffic, and I seriously can’t wrap my head around that this is a thing.

For instance, the other day I was on the most major highway in my part of the state, and was in traffic forever, during regular rush-hour traffic to begin with, only to find it was because there was some sort of accident on the other side of the highway.

As I finally got to this traffic point of origin, I was completely baffled to see cars slowing down to a coasting 10-20 mph and just trying to see what was going on. When they had their fill, they sped off, and then the cars behind them would do the same. And this was happening in all 5 lanes! Just f*ing drive you stinking idiots!!! And the best part was, it was dark out and you couldn’t see anything to begin with!

Why do I and other decent people have to be late for work because you’re plain dumb?

I’ve seen people actually stop at accidents or car fires…that’s right, stop, in the left two lanes, get out of their cars and start taking pictures. Is your life that pathetic that mangled cars and injured persons is the most exciting thing in your life?

When I was a volunteer firefighter, I always made sure to yell at and move along any stupid people who would stop to gaze like a bunch of dreamy-eyed assholes at scenes we were working on. That’s right, it bothers me even when I’m not driving.

They need to have police go on the opposite side of a highway where an accident is and apprehend any driver who rubbernecks. Arrest every single one of them, and then give them the ultimate punishment.

If they want to rubberneck, then their necks should be twisted until broken, then their bodies should be placed in their cars and melted down so that their good-for-nothing lives and their cars that they failed to drive correctly can actually contribute to something positive in this world.

This might seem a little harsh, but rubbernecking is about as stupid and offensive as most crimes out there, if not more so, and you give up any and all value to your life when doing it.