Tournament of Hotties: Impossibly Hot Women, Round 1 (Part 3)

Okay everybody, let’s jump right to the hotties! But if you need to, check out Round 1 Part 1, and Part 2.

Sara Jean Underwood

VS

Ciara Hanna

First off in Round 1 Part 3 are two of the hottest blondes you will likely ever lay eyes on. The hard part today is to decide which is hotter.

Let’s start with Sara. I first laid eyes upon this gorgeous woman when I was looking up something about one of the new Star Wars movies, and by some miracle, I came across this picture.

Sara-Jean-Underwood-Padme-Amidala-Cosplay-1Now it is not every day you find someone who looks hotter than Natalie Portman did in the same costume. I immediately fell in love with this woman. To my great delight, pictures such as these were attached to this one…

My first thought was she was a cosplayer, until I saw the car wash photos. That led me to believe she was a beautiful person who had an outstanding body that she loved to show off, and did so in a charitable way, while also conveniently having a bunch of friends who didn’t mind dressing super scantily and washing cars at the same time either. This provided a great service to their customers, who not only went home with a clean car, but an erection as well! What nice girls!!

Well obviously this must be some kind of fundraiser of sorts with Star Wars somehow involved. Whatever the reason, I decided to look more into this girl that had me so entranced. Was it because of her perfect body, beautiful face and charitable, helpful character, or was it because I love Star Wars just as much as nice, beautiful women? Perhaps putting both together was a match made in a heaven?

Anyway, this is what I found.

Turns out she’s a PlayBoy model. Having never looked at one of those magazines, I must admit, I am curious if they all look as good as her. But I seriously doubt it. This girl has an absolutely superb body, and a face that looks kind, sweet and fun. She looks like the type of girl you could get lost with all night, and then bring home to meet your mother. Until what she does for a living comes up anyway.

Oh and in case you were wondering, she looks amazing as Leia too.

sara-jean-underwood-star-wars-play-boy-photoshoot_1
Eat your hearts out…

 

 

 

Next we have an equally beautiful and precious looking woman, Ciara Hanna, making her second appearance in a Tournament Of Hotties, but this time as herself and not as a character she played. Which is exactly how I came to learn about her. She was the yellow ranger in the Power Rangers: Megaforce series. She was really quite beautiful in the show, but it wasn’t until I was looking up pictures of her for the first Tournament of Hotties that I learned she is one of the most beautiful, sexy, cute, gorgeous, adorable, sweet, amazing…I’m running out of adjectives. Enough jibber jabber, just look at some pictures of her…

Oh man, she just looks like the biggest sweetie and sex muffin! I don’t know if I want to hug her or do something more private. But let’s face it. We’d all pick both. Another girl you would take home to meet the family, but you couldn’t wait to live so you could have your way with her.

Everything about her is so perfect and sexy, yet cute and sweet. But what really gets me is when those sexy lips placed upon that beautiful face curve into a smile.

I love her sexy, wavy hair too…and her eyes…everything…

This might be one of the hardest to choose from in the tournament thus far. It seems a crime that one of these perfect blondes must be eliminated, but I must persevere and choose one.

 

Victor

Sara Jean Underwood Black Bra

Sara Jean Underwood

 

Moving away from blondes, we have two brunettes in the running!

Elizabeth Hurley

VS

Kristen Stewart

 

elizabeth_hurley_07The tall, slender large breasted woman known as Elizabeth Hurley may be one of my earliest crushes. I first saw her in Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery, where her sexy accent and perfect body charmed the pants off of everyone. The humorous censor scenes, aside from making me laugh, just showed how hot this woman was, not to mention how big her boobs are. Everything from her hair down to her futuristic styled boots is enough to make anyone start drooling. You really couldn’t blame Austin for trying to “shag” her the whole movie. No one else would be able to resist her either.

But it wasn’t until I saw Bedazzled that I considered her one of the most beautiful women on the planet, for she is so impossibly hot. In this movie, she plays the Devil. And this fact alone makes it an interesting movie. If the Devil looked like this…

then I am willing to bet just about everyone would sell their soul to her. The torture would be the “look but don’t touch rule” on this babe for all eternity. As you can tell, Elizabeth is nothing short of perfection. Ugh…just look at that body. Beautiful…so slim and toned…she’s as hot as the fires of hell…I know…I know…I had to say it.

She is getting on in years now, which is a blow to us all, but even still she looks nothing short of fabulous.

Any sane person would jump at the chance to get in on some of that, 20 years ago or now.

 

Next up is Kristen Stewart. I imagine I discovered her the same time everyone else in the world did. I remember it all too clearly. I visited my buddy in college and we were bored one night so we decided to go down to the auditorium where they were having a movie night. It was some movie none of us ever heard of, but we figured we’d watch it anyway. When we walked into the auditorium, I immediately noticed we were the only guys in there, never a good sign.

That’s right, you guessed it. That movie was Twilight. We had never heard of it and never knew it was this huge book/movie business. Anyway, the movie was basically awful. Except for the lead actress, Kristen. She was a hottie. She made most of the movie somewhat enjoyable just because of her looks. But after the movie ended, I forgot all about her until years later when I saw some pictures of her. It may have been these ones in fact.

She had become older and more mature and something about her just blew me away. Yeah, she has a perfect body, no doubt, sexy attitude and hot hair, but that isn’t what really gets me, it’s that face of hers. It is just so entrancing and wonderful.

I just can’t explain it, it just makes my heart melt. Maybe it’s because she dresses most of the time in regular clothing, and looks like a normal person most of the time, not some big shot celebrity. I don’t know. I don’t think I have a “type.” Maybe she’s it?

And speaking of the way she dresses, she looks amazing in everything. No matter what she dons, she is just tipping over the hottie scale.

Wow, she is just a steaming hottie, hot enough to take on the Devil herself. I don’t know what it is, it might be all her vampirey witch craft or whatever, but she definitely has me under some spell.

And she’s bisexual, which is huge points in my book.

So which of these two perfect women is hotter? It’s hard to say. Kristen is more my age, so maybe that’s why I feel some weird cyber connection with her. Elizabeth Hurley is much older, but still competes with Kristen any day. Decisions, decisions. I will have to give it to…

Victor

elizabeth hurley red dress

Elizabeth Hurley

Sara Jean Underwood and Elizabeth Hurley move on to Round 2! Their victories are bitter sweet, for Ciara and Kristen both are such sweet contestants I could totally get along with.

See you next time for the conclusion of Round 1!

Tournament Of Hotties: Impossibly Hot Women Round 1 (Part 2)

Welcome back to Round 1, where 2 more sets of unbelievably hot women will face off to see who is the hottest. Check out part one if you missed it. Now, let’s not waste anytime, let’s check out the next two hotties!

 

Angelina Jolie

VS

Denise Richards

Phew, these women are amazing! Just look at em up there. You couldn’t wish for more hotness than these two have!

Let’s talk about Angie first. Where to begin? I first found out about Angelina Jolie’s existence from watching the 2001 movie Lara Croft: Tomb Raider. If ever there was a thing as “love at first sight,” this was it for me. She without a doubt, was the most beautiful person on the planet I had ever seen. I didn’t even have to put in the movie to fall in love with her. The stinking cover was enough.

tomb raider cover

Dang. I was 12 or 13 when the movie came out, and this was about the sexiest thing I had even seen in my life. The long braid of hair, the tight tank top that shows off a huge pair of jugs and the abs bulging out…not too much, but just enough to tell you this woman is toned as hell, and unbelievably gorgeous. The short shorts that give way to long slender legs that are criminally cut off are an amazing tease. How dare they cut off any portion of this perfect specimen’s body!?

 

 

 

When I finally stopped staring and popped the tape in the VCR, it became immediately apparent that the cover was not a hoax, this woman, Angelina Jolie, really is that hot. If anything, the cover does not do her unheard of beauty justice, for it does not capture how effortlessly sexy this woman is. From the way she moves, to the way shes talks. Even if she just had to scratch her head, the eloquent way she moved her arm up to her head would have me melting all over. Each word seemed to drip from her lips, so sensual and loving, her smile so sexy and beckoning. And speaking of her lips, my God, they are the most luscious things you will ever lay eyes on, well maybe unless you look down at her chest. But anyway, those perfect lips make her words all the more paralyzingly sexy. You could be content just watching her speak and move. You love the words coming out of her mouth, it almost becomes as good as sticking something in those lips, a tragic fantasy every man must have ripped from them when watching this beauty, unless your Brad Pitt and a few other incredibly lucky guys.

If the pain of watching everything about her physical perfection wasn’t bad (or good) enough, it was even more agitating but equally pleasurable in the fact that every thing she wore in that movie, despite not being revealing at all, made her look like the most incredibly sexy and alluring sexual beast the world has ever known!

Here is just a quick example…

 

Literally everything she wore hugged her body in such a perfect way, or really more specifically, they hugged her boobs, making each and every one of us jealous of a shirt…It was like none of the outfits were big enough to fit around those beasts, and that was for the better, believe me! There was even an occasional nipple poking through, which obviously, is all the more welcome!

But anyone who has seen this movie will take one amazing, joy filled memory with them. You know what I am talking about…I know you do!! The famous shower scene. First off, this scene has no nudity or anything, it’s just Angelina like running water down her hair for like 15 seconds, but the way she moves…it’s just…oh man…I don’t know. She just makes it seem so erotic. It’s basically like you are having sex with her. She even parts those luscious lips from a side view for you, and that is enough to shoot a tingle down everybody’s spine. But that is not even what I am talking about. It is when she gets out of the shower that the magic really happens.

BOOM!angelina jolie tomb-raider-4

The most amazing side boob you will ever see. Let me explain how amazing this was as a child. I was barely a teenager when I saw this and probably the only boobs I ever saw were Rose’s from Titanic. Then I spent this whole movie staring at her jugs with all her tight fitting shirts being stretched to their limits. Then she gets out of the shower and to everyone’s delight, she rips her towel off unexpectedly and turns just enough that you can see everything you possibly can without it being full nudity and keeping the movie PG-13.

Now this amazing side boob does a couple things. It confirms her boobs are as big as they look and it releases some weird sexual tension that has built up from watching her supreme hotness, which is amazing and much needed at this point.

Those are the pros, the con, it leaves you wanting more…so, so, so much more! You want to see every part of that beautiful toned body, every tiny inch of it. How could they tease the viewers like that! Eventually, you learn to just be happy you got to see any part of her at all, and then enjoy the rest of the movie with a smile on your face as you watch her in all her unmatched hotness, staring at her boobs ready to burst from her shirts, thinking to yourself, “yeah, I got to see those…a little…to the side…” as your smirk grows bigger.

So yeah, that is the story of how I fell in love with Angelina Jolie. For years I stated without hesitation that she was the most beautiful woman on planet Earth.  I have seen very few movies with her in it, but of the ones I have, she is just as alluring and sexy in all of them. It was only fitting that she was cast in the role of probably the most famously hot female video game character ever designed at that point.

Next up is Denise Richards. Like Angie, I discovered her from a movie, and the whole time she was in it, I couldn’t help but get aroused. She brought the meaning of sexy to a whole new level, from the way she looked, talked, walked, and above all, her facial expressions were such a big turn on, it blew me away.

What movie am I talking about? The 1998 film, Wild Things of course! Despite this being a very thrilling movie on it’s own, the director clearly searched high and low for the hottest woman they could find and then spend half the movie showing her off. Literally everything she wears is skimpy and revealing in some way. You also get to see her naked on several occasions and make out with a girl on her own and in a threesome. So yeah, it’s pretty amazing stuff. She looked a little like this…

 

Believe it or not, she is way hotter in the movie even! And just like the woman she is competing against, she has a wonderful rack and big, sexy lips. If you were to look up any word in the dictionary related to the words, “hot,” “sexy,” “arouse,” “dammmmmmnnn,” etc., it would be hard to tell which of these two women’s photo would go there.

Denise is most famous for being an unbelievably hot Bond girl I believe. A movie I have to see.

She has also been featured in PlayBoy Magazine wearing a…net…

 

Not very practical clothing, but if its purpose is to make us all sit up a little straighter, then they nailed it on the head. I have only even seen Denise Richards in this one movie, but I can only imagine that just like in Wild Things, any time she is on screen, you will forget entirely about the movie and will instead be lost in her all encompassing beauty.

Unfortunately today, she isn’t all that hot. Her body is still amazing, but her face looks kind of weird, like plastic surgery gone wrong or something. Even so, do not let that detract from the impossibly hot woman she once was!!!

Now for the hard part. To decide which of these inhumanely hot women is hotter. Both have perfection on a physical level, and both are unbelievably sexy and heart melting beauties that would easily take your breath away if you saw them on the streets. But to choose only one, I would have to go with this one…

Victor

angelina jolie 6

Angelina Jolie

This hottie just has a more sexy edge on Denise. It just seems to flow off of her so naturally. She really must be an alien or something…

And now for the next bout!!!

 

 

Katie Cassidy

VS

Joanie Brosas

Hot dog!! We’ve got two tall, slender and absolutely gorgeous girls up next!!!

Katie Cassidy became one of the most beautiful women in the world to me after viewing her in what is probably my favorite show of all time, Arrow. In season 1, she wasn’t all that spectacular. She was very attractive of course, but nothing mind blowing. She sort of looked like this…Katie-Cassidy-Regard-Magazine-Photo-Shoot-arrow-cw-33738859-940-586

though not as made up of course.

But then along came season 2 and my God, I don’t know what happened, but I was hit by the train that is her infinite beauty. Ever since, every time she is on camera, I can’t help but drool. The show itself is always so intriguing, keeping you on the edge of your seat, but this beauty comes along and steals all the focus. But that really isn’t all that surprising when you start to look like this…

 

In the show, she plays a lawyer and always dresses really professional, so you can never tell what kind of body she has, though it’s obvious it’s a hot one. And if you couldn’t tell from the pictures above how sexy her long legs are, or how gorgeous her body is, here is some more proof…

So as you can tell, she has a wonderfully tone body, with an especially great booty. Everything, from that sexy wavy hair of hers down to her toes is just steamy hotness. Unfortunately, I have never seen her in anything but Arrow, but I am sure she’s gorgeous all the time!

Next up is the fabulous Joanie Brosas. This incredibly hot woman I believe is a model, which how could she not be, she’s beautiful x1000. But I think she is more known for her cosplaying, where she specializes in wearing as little amount of clothing as legally  possible.

As you can tell, she’s quite good at it. Her body is absolutely flawless. In fact, normally I would say she is too thin, but for some reason, maybe because she looks to be on the tall side, it works for her, thus just adding to her already inhuman hotness. Something else super sexy about her is that long, flowing hair of hers.

I don’t know why, but that is just as much of a turn on as her beautiful body.

This was another girl I fell hard for immediately. I was looking up something about a rumored Tomb Raider movie a few years ago, and I found this instead.

So yeah, anyone could fall victim to this appealing specimen. The long hair, the cute face, amazing figure, long legs, firm butt and the oh so sexy under boob make her a force to be reckoned with on the scale of hotness.

So I love everything about both these girls, so it comes down to which one is just simply better looking…and while they both are at least 10/10 on the hottie scale, this one can be pushed up to a 12..

Victor

Joanie Brosas darth vader

Joanie Brosas

Well folks, that’s another 4 hotties revealed, and another 2 to move on! See you next time for 4 more hotties as Round 1 continues!!

Tournament Of Hotties: Impossibly Hot Women (Round 1, Part 1)

And here we are with another Tournament of Hotties, this time nothing Power Ranger related! Instead, I gathered the 16 hottest women I could think of. But not your everyday hot. These women cause you to think, “They can’t be human, they can’t be from this planet. No human being from Earth could be this hot.”

Now I am sure there are plenty of hotter women out there, but these are the ones I can think of off the top of my head, and I am sure they look quite normal when they don’t have all that make up on either. But that is not the point. These girls are just so inhumanly hot that they must be recognized.

And as wonderful as these women are to look at, it is going to be quite a terrible experience to narrow them down to just 1 that is the hottest of all. How could anyone choose?

Also take note that this has nothing to do with how these women currently look, but is more how hot they were at some point in their lives.

So without further ado, let us begin Round 1.

Tara Reid

VS

Megan Fox

Dang…just dang…Right off the bat are two magnificent hotties. Let’s start with the gorgeous blond Tara Reid.

I first discovered this sexy lady in the 1999 film, American Pie, where she looked like this…and please, click on these pictures to see each one bigger…

american pie girls
In case you get lost in all the hotness here, Tara is the second from the left…

In this movie she wasn’t  “inhumanly” hot, but her raspy voice is one of the sexiest things I have ever heard. Every word out of her mouth sounds like she is trying to seduce the person she is talking to, which makes every man wish they were on the receiving end of those words. I think they even mention in the TV show Scrubs, where she occasionally has a small role, how sexy her voice is. She looks amazing in that show as well.

And when she appears in American Pie 2, her hotness is multiplied. They even point this out, as the main character, Jim says, “And Vicky got hot!” Vicky being Tara’s character. And Jim could not be any more right. She is smoking hot in that film, looking more like this.

I think the only other thing I have seen her in is American Reunion, where she is also smoking hot, though age set in a tad, unfortunately. But any sane man and some edgy women would do her anyway.

In case you couldn’t tell from her pictures, she is like the definition of a gorgeous blond. Her body is flawless, she has long longs, a nice set of boobs with seemingly very perky nipples as evidenced here.

Those little guys are always trying to sneak through! Not to mention two of the pictures in the group above this one!!

So yeah, this girl is hot, unbelievably hot. Every molecule on her body rages sexiness and we can’t get enough. She is also the first girl I have ever seen fake an orgasm on television, and I thank her from the bottom of my heart. Her screams of pleasure through that raspy voice are something that can never be duplicated by anyone else.

Ugh…so hot…

And next we have hottie number two…Megan Fox!! The first time I laid eyes on this beauty was on an episode of Two and a Half Men. I believe this was before she was famous, for I had no idea who she was at the time, and no one else did either. All I knew is that when they showed some random girl in a bikini hanging out with the rest of the cast, I thought to myself, “That is the hottest girl I have ever seen.” The whole episode was about how hot this girl was and how everyone on the show was drooling over her. Their acting was top notch, because I can firmly say, everyone in real life was doing the same. Nobody that hot had ever been on television before.megan_fox

This was a lonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnggggggggg time ago too. She has done nothing but get hotter.

But what really made this amazing looking girl famous was that unforgettable “under the hood” scene from Transformers. You know what I’m talking about, the scene where she is looking under the hood of her car and they pan up her body.

Yeah…that one. I bet you during this scene in the theaters, the whole theater was filled with the sounds of rustling denim as every man adjusted themselves.

I only saw the movie once (not in theaters), years and years ago, and this is all I remember from it. And what else could you take away from it? The moment you see this, it is all you will ever see for the next 3 days!! The way her sexy brown hair falls over her scantily clad body is so sexy. I was skeptical about seeing the movie, and every time I heard about it or asked about it, all I ever heard was “Megan Fox is so hot!” And that is how she became world renowned. But it wasn’t for many years later that I found out this new name everyone was talking about was the same girl I had subliminally fallen in love with from Two and a Half Men.

Everything about her is perfect. Everything. Every time she moves, every time she speaks, even stinking blinks, her hotness infests your brain. I honestly don’t know how every man who has seen her in person isn’t in jail for sexual assault. How could anyone resist such beauty?

Wearing nothing…

Megan Fox naked

She’s hot…

Fully clothed…

Megan-Fox-12

 

 

 

 

 

 

She’s hot…

 

She is inhumanely hot and sexy and seems to have been born that way. Even without makeup I guarantee this girl is smokin’. I can’t even get over it. I wish I could meet someone 1/4 as hot as her. That girl would be by far and away the hottest person I’ve ever met.

So now the daunting deed must be committed. Which of these alienish women is hotter. The blond or the brunette?

It’s very close. Either one would fulfill any man’s wildest fantasies, but I would have to go with…

Victor

Megan Fox beach stroll

Megan Fox

 

Now that I have shamed one of the hottest blonds of all time, let’s see what two amazingly hot women are next…

Scarlett Johanson

VS

Jessica Alba

Well crap, two more impossibly hard to choose from women. Let’s start with Scarlett. The first movie I ever saw her in was The Avengers, where she played the role of the incredibly bad ass, yet amazingly sexy and impossibly hot Black Widow. In fact, the first scene you see her in, she’s in a black dress that she looks simply amazing in.

See? I told you so. Right then and there, I realized she was one of the hottest women on the planet.

She first appeared as the character in Iron Man 2, where she looked amazing, but I wouldn’t go as far as to say she was inhumanly hot, though she definitely was rocking the costume and was still gorgeous.

It wasn’t until Avenger’s that she reached such a high level of hotness, and hasn’t slowed down a bit. She’s every bit as gorgeous in any of the other movies she plays the role in, if not hotter.

I have never seen her in any other movie, in any other role other than Black Widow, so I find myself wondering if it is just the character that is so hot, or the actress?

Yeah…it’s the actress.

She is stunning no matter what she’s doing it seems. Wow, just beautiful. There is just such a tough, sexy look about her, yet a sort of innocence as well, like she isn’t trying to be sexy, it just radiates from her naturally. She’s got a nice rack too, so that’s nice.

And next we have the amazing beauty, Jessica Alba. The first movie I saw her in was Good Luck Chuck, and man was she gorgeous in it. One can’t help but fall in love with her looks as well as her charming, adorable personality. I haven’t seen many other movies with her in it, but the ones I have, she is always beautiful and sexy, and usually strips down to nearly nothing. An old co-worker of mine was so in love with her, he kept a copy of Into the Blue on his desk, a movie in which she appears on the cover like this…

Jessica Alba into the blue

I don’t blame him, she’s hot.

Everything she wears, she looks amazing in. As you can tell, she has a perfect body and looks especially amazing in bikinis.

But she looks great in underwear and leather as well. I’ve never met her, but based on things I have read about her and how she acts in movies, she is not only gorgeous on the outside, but on the inside as well, and that is bonus points, baby!

So which of these super women will move on to round 2? It is a close one, but this girl is a tad bit hotter…

Victor

Jessica Alba Beach

Jessica Alba

See you next time, as we continue with Round 1!